Guess the Plot
Honor Lost Honor Bound
1. Twins separated at birth, Honoria and Honorine take differing paths. Honoria adopted by the Carringtons in Boston and Honorine fostered by absinthe-swilling bohemians in Paris. One becomes an intrepid explorer, the other a flamboyant bondage model.
2. The feudal society of Gon'rha is falling apart, revolutionaries abound. The twin daughters of the High Priest must fulfill a legend to bring about a century of peace. However, the legend predicts the death of one of the girls.
3. Canadian separatists attempt to drag the United States into a civil war in Canada, but no one south of the border even knew the war was going on.
4. When temple virgin Castizia is seduced and sold into slavery by the rogue Renart, she vows revenge. When Renart falls into her power, will her hatred bring her to abandon the teachings of the god she was dedicated to in childhood?
5. Honors student Josh Wilton's world crumbled when he was accused of cheating and his exam papers vanished mysteriously. Josh vows that nothing will stand in the way of his acceptance by the university of his choice. Not even Principal Grimble.
6. Forced into an embarrassing retreat by a heavily armed street gang, an army battalion chooses an easier target: a local Brownie troop.
How close did Canada come to being torn apart and how close did the U.S. come to having another war to deal with? [One thing about going to war with Canada, our draft dodgers wouldn't be able to move to Canada to get out of fighting, eh?] [Also, there wouldn't be any casualties, as we'd agree to settle our differences on the curling sheet, eh?]
In 1995, French-Canadian separatists lost a vote to secede by less than one percent; one-third of the Canadian army is French-Canadian; and the James Bay Hydro Station supplies power to the U.S. [Things you learned on Jeopardy?] HONOR LOST HONOR BOUND, my 90,000-word suspense novel, weaves these facts into one brief timeframe and describes Canada's nightmare: civil war. [Our top story tonight, Canada declared war today. Predictably, they declared it on Canada.] [The good thing about going to war with yourself instead of someone else is that you don't have to worry about the United States butting in. Right? Eh?]
Captain James Morgan's [Is this the hoser they named the rum after?] bravery is matched only by his temper, and when that temper is roused, someone, possibly even he himself, will end up in jail, or the hospital. In Yugoslavia, Morgan's rifle jams in the middle of a firefight and he is almost killed by Bosnian snipers. [Is this event so important to the plot that it must be in the query letter?] Later, while recuperating in Canada, he discovers that the French-Canadian company manufacturing the army's rifles is purposely using substandard metal. Morgan's wife, a strong-willed naval officer, accidentally sees plans for a Quebec attack and is almost killed for her discovery. As his marriage crumbles, Morgan turns to the nurse who comforted him after the attack in Bosnia. [Hang on a minute, I think I'm going to need a scorecard to keep up with this.] Morgan's investigation progresses and a Quebec soldier is sent to stop him (or kill him, whichever is easier) but defects instead. [Defects from Quebec to Saskatchewan.] Although Canadian officials are alerted to the impending danger, they are unable to stop the separatists. In an effort to secure their new nation, the "Quebec Army" moves to take over the James Bay Hydro Station. [This paragraph is reading like a series of one-sentence synopses of your chapters. Too many events and no flow. Less is more.] Throughout, Morgan struggles with his hatred of the separatists and their beliefs as he fights to avenge his wife [Is she dead? I missed that part.] and ultimately, battles to save his country from a war that can have no winners.
As a retired Canadian army officer, [Aha, so you are Captain Morgan.] I have personally experienced the separatist mentality. My first novel, "Till Death Do Us Part" was published in 1996 [by?]. I have been published in military magazines and was an editorial columnist for The Saint, in Windsor, Ontario. In addition, I have been active in a writer's critique group since 2001.
I look forward to hearing from you in the near future.
Dear Evil Editor:
In 1995, French-Canadian separatists lost a vote to secede by less than one percent. In my alternate history novel HONOR LOST, HONOR BOUND, separatists refuse to accept the results of that referendum. In an effort to secure a new nation, the "Quebec Army" moves to take over the James Bay Hydro Station (which supplies power to the U.S.), thus bringing Canada to the brink of civil war.
Through the eyes of Captain James Morgan, of the Canadian Forces, Honor Lost, Honor Bound follows the events leading up to the revolt. Morgan struggles with his hatred of the separatists and their beliefs as he attempts to avenge his murdered wife, and ultimately, to save his country from a war that can have no winners.
A retired Canadian army officer, I have personally experienced the separatist mentality. My first novel, Till Death Do Us Part was published in 1996 by Molson House. I have been published in military magazines and was an editorial columnist for The Saint, in Windsor, Ontario. In addition, I have been active in a writer's critique group since 2001.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Concentrating on one plot thread gives more of a feel for a unified story. Whether it's the story you've written, Evil Editor doesn't know, but if not, a few tweaks and a few more pertinent details should get it right.