Monday, August 07, 2006
Guess the Plot
Oath of the Children
1. Twins Jimmy and Stevie Plugnose vow vengeance on the babysitter who told their bedwetting secrets. Year later, the babysitter is now their doddering stepmother and revenge is not as sweet as they had hoped.
2. First grade teacher Ellen Johanson doesn't know who taught her class the F-word, but when she finds out there's going to be H to pay.
3. A nun takes an oath to serve her country. When an old war buddy asks her to work for his country's government, will she consider switching causes?
4. "We solemnly swear to tattoo tramp-stamps above our asses if you don't teach us some self-respect." A heartwarming story about teenage daughters of workaholic fathers.
5. When grumpy old Mr. Bobage, the janitor, burns all of the 4th graders' art posters, declaring them to be wickedness and filth, the students swear to get even with a rampage of vigilante graffiti.
6. Crack archeologist Clive Blivvens rethinks his career when the cartouche on the secret door of the pharoah's tomb turns out to read "You Poo Poo Head!"
Dear Evil Editor,
Nyima Rewa is a fighter, scholar, and nun who should be enjoying her retirement in exile, but an old war buddy, Ailbhe Torley, asks for her help in one last bid for a country’s freedom. Both are Children; people trained to use a dormant part of their brain to perceive and manipulate electromagnetic radiation but are beholden to their respective governments and militaries. [Are there actual children on this world? Because this could get confusing.] [Instead of Children, call them Electroids. Or Humagnetons.] The face of the world is familiar, but the face of warfare reflects only the human features. [Let's just delete that last sentence and pretend it never existed.]
Out of a sense moral obligation, Nyima willingly conspires with Ailbhe in his government’s power struggles until her new enemies capture her. She escapes quickly, [by cleverly manipulating electromagnetic radiation (the first time she's ever found this ability useful in fifty years),] but not before it opens a very old and painful wound that leads her to question her beliefs, her choices, her oaths, and her sanity. What she doesn’t question is Ailbhe’s judgment.
Nyima writes to both Children and laity and states in her prologue and epilogue that her story is one of the few factually accounts of historical figure Ailbhe Torley, although without the in memoriam her story is about herself. [Don't even try to explain what you're talking about. Delete.]
OATH OF THE CHILDREN is science fiction/fantasy novel of 120,000 words set contemporarily and narrated by the main character. All references to recent history and modern religion have been slightly fictionalized [For instance, Gore won, and most of humanity has decided that worshiping Zeus makes as much sense as anything that's been tried since.] to create an alternate timeline and not to condemn or extol their real counterparts. A complete or partial manuscript is available upon request and a SASE is included for your convenience. Thank you for your time and attention.
I found everything after the second sentence either vague or incomprehensible. I recommend starting from scratch with more specific information, stated clearly.
Even the first two sentences lead to unanswered questions. She's a nun and a fighter? Why is she in exile? What is the value of using this dormant part of their brains? How do you pronounce their names? If you inspire questions, you may as well answer them.