EE was dining al fresco at the Pig 'N Whistle on Hollywood Boulevard when a limo screeched to a halt. John Grisham got out and joined EE at his table. "Sorry to interrupt," Grisham said, but I've just finished my greatest novel yet, and I want it edited by the best. You can have the million-dollar advance and the royalties; I just want, for once, to get a review that doesn't pan my writing."
EE was about to respond when a bus pulled up. The doors opened, and out stepped a cute young woman with a suitcase in her hand and stars in her eyes. She spotted EE and was drawn to him like Lara Croft to a mummy. "Hi," she said. "I'm Linda Lou Johnson, from Kansas, and I'm here to become a star."
"You're in luck," EE told her. "My friend here was just leaving. And you're just what I've been looking for to play Evil Editor's love interest in Evil Editor Meets Miss Snark. Can you handle stilettos, Linda Lou?"
"Sure. So I'd be playing this . . . Miss Snark?"
"Don't be silly. You'd be playing Angelina Jolie. You kill Miss Snark in the last scene, with an ice pick stiletto in the ear."
"I kill her? Why?" Linda Lou asked.
"You and she both want Evil Editor. But you don't want to share."
"Who's playing Evil Editor in this movie?"
Linda Lou stared blankly.
"Solaris?" EE tried. "Three Kings? ER? "
"Booker Brooks on Roseanne," Grisham told her.
"Booker Brooks?" Linda Lou screamed. "Now he wasn't bad looking."
"Then it's settled," Evil Editor said. "Now let's get up to my hotel suite. George won't be here for another week, so you'll have to rehearse with me. You don't have a problem with nude scenes, do you?"