Saturday, November 11, 2006

Evil Editor's Vacation Disaster 15

EE was dining al fresco at the Pig 'N Whistle on Hollywood Boulevard when a limo screeched to a halt. John Grisham got out and joined EE at his table. "Sorry to interrupt," Grisham said, but I've just finished my greatest novel yet, and I want it edited by the best. You can have the million-dollar advance and the royalties; I just want, for once, to get a review that doesn't pan my writing."

EE was about to respond when a bus pulled up. The doors opened, and out stepped a cute young woman with a suitcase in her hand and stars in her eyes. She spotted EE and was drawn to him like Lara Croft to a mummy. "Hi," she said. "I'm Linda Lou Johnson, from Kansas, and I'm here to become a star."

"You're in luck," EE told her. "My friend here was just leaving. And you're just what I've been looking for to play Evil Editor's love interest in Evil Editor Meets Miss Snark. Can you handle stilettos, Linda Lou?"

"Sure. So I'd be playing this . . . Miss Snark?"

"Don't be silly. You'd be playing Angelina Jolie. You kill Miss Snark in the last scene, with an ice pick stiletto in the ear."

"I kill her? Why?" Linda Lou asked.

"You and she both want Evil Editor. But you don't want to share."

"Who's playing Evil Editor in this movie?"

"George Clooney."

"Who?"

"From Syriana."

Linda Lou stared blankly.

"Solaris?" EE tried. "Three Kings? ER? "

"Booker Brooks on Roseanne," Grisham told her.

"Booker Brooks?" Linda Lou screamed. "Now he wasn't bad looking."

"Then it's settled," Evil Editor said. "Now let's get up to my hotel suite. George won't be here for another week, so you'll have to rehearse with me. You don't have a problem with nude scenes, do you?"


--EE

6 comments:

The Red Setter said...

this is a cool site, tho ur byline scares me ' the reason why you don't get published'! Nice!

Now excuse me while I go and read ur archives... I like this site.

Cathy Writes Romance said...

Very cute, EE! Well, cute's not exactly the word. Hey, do you want to write romance novels together, kinda like Jennifer Crusie and Bob Mayer? Not that we write like Crusie and Mayer, mind you, but that you write the "guy" parts and I write the naive virginal heroine parts (I remember a little about that, and can fake the rest--no pun intended.

McKoala said...

EE - at last, what really happened on your vacation!

Dave said...

I can't wait for EE to meet the Roaming Gnome...

Anonymous said...

Poor Miss Snark. Actually, I'm sure she can take care of herself. But... this is character assassination, it is! Over and over again!

(quietly dies laughing)

Chumplet said...

The... Roaming...Gnome... must laugh uncontrollably...