Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Guess the Plot
1. When Joe discovers that the lead singer in his band "FireHouse" has given up smoking and drinking to become a wrestler, he realizes his dream of fame and fortune depends on talking some sense into the misguided fellow.
2. The boys at Firehouse 12 stage a strip show to raise money for a new truck. When the fire alarm goes off during the full monty finale, the girls at the burning tri-delta sorority get a pleasant surprise.
3. It's been 9 years since one-armed albino meth-addict Josh saw his dad who with one hand ran a cactus nursery in the heart of New Orleans and with the other hand beat Josh and his mother every afternoon over tea. Now, Josh is bringing a gasoline can to the reunion.
4. When right-wing petroleum tycoons from the Amazon threaten to incinerate all of New Jersey with their "Firehouse" bio weapon, only fashion designer Alara Bouzenbottom stands in their way.
5. Hunky firefighters seemed like a great reality TV show idea--until the pent-up man-passion became hotter than the blazes they fought.
6. 14 year old Katie is the good-natured joke of the DC fire department--until she single-handedly carries the president out of the burning White House on her back.
Dear E. Editor,
Zach Bowie has been singing and playing bass with a local garage band for years. [Though he has ten times the talent of his brother David, he doesn't care about the fame and money.] He does it because he loves everything about it. Last winter, though, he got a taste of something he thinks he might like just as much. [Skydiving? Filmmaking? Writing a novel?] When the 152-pounder on the high school wrestling team was injured, Zach filled in and won ten matches. [Wrestling? Who's gonna buy this?] If only he had trained more and partied less, how many more could he have won? Now he's secretly training hard with the intention of finding out. By summer he’s mastered the art of pretending to smoke and drink, [Why? Will his bandmates throw him out of the band if he doesn't smoke and drink?] while at the same time strengthening his body for another season on the mat. Like the Bill Clinton, he doesn’t inhale. [Huh? Falls flat. Delete.]
One obstacle in Zach’s pursuit of his other obsession is the pretentious lead guitarist in the band, Joe Fauquier. With his carefully cultivated rock and roll look and obvious talent, Fauquier still thinks he's going to make it big. [Not with that name, he won't. I suggest he change it to Pork-Sword Fauquier.] He's sure that Zach, with his distinct voice and stage presence, is his ticket to stardom and a record contract. When he sees Zach diverting too much time to wrestling he reacts badly.
[The obvious compromise: limit their musical repertoire to songs about wrestling (a better idea than singing while wrestling).
"Get in the Ring"... Guns N' Roses
"Wrestle a Live Nude Girl"... Michael Franks
"Pin"... Leroy Hanghofer
"Get a Hold"... Loggins & Messina
"Headlock On My Heart"... The Fleshtones
"Half Nelson"... Charlie Parker
"Full Nelson"... Miles Davis
"Takedown"... Pissing Razors
"Body Slam!"... Bootsy Collins
"The Self-Proclaimed World's Greatest Tag-Team"... K-Otix
"All Fake"... John Ford]
There is resentment in the wrestling room over Zach's plans, too. Many of the jocks on the team resent the presence of a "pot-smoking burnout", even if he does appear to have reformed. On top of these problems, Zach has a girl in both [each] of his worlds that [who] thinks he’s looking in their [her] eyes when he’s singing. [If he's in high school, I can tell you where he's looking; somewhat lower than their eyes.]
"FireHouse", a novel for young adults, contains about 70,000 words. Please let me know if you'd be interested in seeing any more of it.
I realize we're not talking pro sports, but it still seems unlikely a kid could take up wrestling mid-season and be better than so many kids who've been training all along. It's not like playing the bass builds body strength.
If FireHouse is the name of the band (I guessed for Guess the Plot), it would take only a word or two in the first sentence to say so. I assume they chose "FireHouse" because "Pissing Razors" was already taken.