Tuesday, November 21, 2006
New Beginning 162 (midgrade novel)
Upon his son Sylvester’s seventh birthday, Mr. Chester had a white picket fence built around his yard. “Now,” he said to his wife as he described all he’d done that day, “We have the perfect family. Two children, a boy and a girl, a nice home and a white picket fence. But, we lack one thing. One very big thing. I think, Imogene, that it is my job to obtain it.”
Mr. Chester scratched his forehead. “What we need now is a nice big brand new sports utility vehicle. That way we can go camping and explore the wilds of nature. How else,” he asked, “will we get to the top of all those mountains?”
Mr. Chester, convinced of his need for an SUV, began his long search for the perfect vehicle, all the while missing the many small problems that brewed in his own home.
On the first day of his search, while Mr. Chester visited the Ford dealership and considered the finer points of the 2007 Expedition, Sylvester was putting the finishing touches on his acetone-based bomb and testing it out on the Martins' doghouse.
On the second day, as Mr. Chester was testing the off-roading capabilities of the Dodge Durango, little Euphenimia was picked up for soliciting.
But it wasn't until he had brought home the Chevy Suburban, with its superior cargo space, that Mrs. Chester pointed out to him that the SUV was just another substitute for his sexual inadequacy, that “those mountains” were a Freudian metaphor for his physical dysfunction, that the picket fence was his only successful erection in months.
The biggest worry, of course, was the children. Sooner or later they would want to know why Sylvester looked so much like Mr. Gonzales, the gardener.
Opening: Judy Gregerson.....Continuation: Daisy, ril
Posted by Evil Editor at 5:00 PM