Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Guess the Plot
The Reign of Seoul
1. Seoul has just become leader of his people, a race of warriors. Will he survive his first night? Will his reign last through the coming world war? Or will he be a non-factor in the exciting sequel?
2. Three generations of Korean women hand-wrap dumplings as an extended metaphor for life's journey; i.e., it's monotonous, never-ending, and you could have just bought them frozen at the store.
3. Kim Lee's Al Green tribute band rules the Seoul underground, but it's his day job as a gangpeh that really pays the bills. When a major label promises to make him an international superstar, can Kim escape the dark half of his life?
4. Jody travels to Seoul for the 2006 World Cup and encounters an intergalactic plot to mutate the fans into flesh-eating half-dead slaves of the Gorgulls. At least it's not as frightening as a football match in Manchester.
5. Celebrity Nawlins chef Jackie Dupres drops étouffée, gumbo, and jambalaya from the menu and switches to all kimchee. Soon they're drinking the fermented chili-coated veggies in Peoria.
6. Captivated by both the Korean Wave and American music, Japanese tour guide Yuki gets two wishes: to move to Korea and to sing like Aretha Franklin.
Is all fair in Love and War? The Reign of Seoul dedicates itself to testing the traditional cliché. [Books test clichés. People dedicate themselves to writing books that test clichés.] In a setting not much different from Earth, this story centers on a world war. As opposed to the standard good versus evil, it is the reader that [Use "who" for people, "that" for things.] must choose their heroes and foes. [villains.]
This story follows Seoul, a main character that [who] holds [embodies] as many dishonorable qualities as he does honorable ones. Seoul is the Lord of the Nrye, [Is that pronounced Niryay or enrye or Nurry or . . . There's a reason no word starts with nr.] a race of man with incredible skill in combat. On his first day as leader of his people, Seoul awakes to an unwelcome intruder in his quarters. Using every bit of his will to not give in to his instincts and kill the intruder, [George W. Bush was confronted by an intruder in the White House on his first day as president. He trusted his instincts and killed the guy. Turned out to be a scout troop leader touring the building and looking for a restroom. They covered it up, but it's a true story--my cousin was the first secret service agent on the scene. (My cousin's first words when he saw the president standing over the body: "Not again!")] he lets the strange man defend his existence. ["I think, therefore I am."] After hearing the man out, Seoul finds himself investigating the credibility to [of] the man's claim that a war is upon them. What he will soon find out is that he is being used as a pawn in a far greater plot to destroy an empire, [This is sounding more and more like the George Bush story.] and Seoul will spend the rest of his life in regret for not trusting his instinct that fateful night.
The first of two books chronicling this epic war only displays the struggles and conflicts of the Nrye. [The "only" belongs with "of the Nrye," not with "displays."] The second book covers the story from the opposing side's perspective. [If I knew the name of the opposing side, I could insert a lame Letters from Iwo Jima joke here.] In order to decipher [distinguish] the truths from the lies and choose which side of the battle [bloodthirsty army] captures their heart readers would need to read both books in their entirety. [In other words, the agent must sell both books for you.]
The Reign of Seoul is a fantasy genre novel consisting of approximately 135,000 words. [So I have to read 270,000 words just to find out who the good guys are?] Since Lord of The Rings, Harry Potter, and Eragon have spurred interest in the fantasy genre, this novel will fit right in with a large demographic of readers. [That could be said of any fantasy novel. What you're really saying is, If you've decided to send me a rejection slip, think again--do you want to be known as the agent who turned down the next Harry Potter?] While its mature content may separate it from a younger audience, the book's meshing of love, war, loyalty and betrayal should reach a large reader base. [It's too late to try to talk the agent into anything; you lost her at The Reign of Seoul.]
Thanks for your time.
I usually leave the nitpicking to my Minions, but this many minor problems add up to a major problem. Anyone reading this would worry that the book is as riddled with errors as the letter.
The book is dedicated to testing whether all's fair in love and war, yet there's no mention of love in the query, and the war hasn't even started yet when your plot description ends. Who's in love with whom, and who's at war with the Nrye?
The only specific information we get about the plot is that there's an intruder in Seoul's room. That could take place on page 1. What happens in the rest of the book?
I don't like the title. Seoul is a place. Readers are going to expect the book to be set in Korea, not on Terra IV in the Andromeda galaxy.
Why go to the trouble of creating a new world as the setting if the world isn't much different from Earth? If it were Earth, you wouldn't have to come up with names like Nrye.