Thursday, April 12, 2007

New Beginning 257


I should be concentrating on the clown’s chomping mouth. Instead, I’m distracted by forbidden territory, namely Bryan’s lips. The instant I swing my golf club, my sister grabs him around the neck and kisses the exact spot I’d been staring at. My ball sails over the clown’s idiotic hat deep into Nowheresville. Miniature golf is “good wholesome” family entertainment, according to Mom, and she bribed Eva and I into coming by allowing us to bring our boyfriends. Except I don’t have one.

Silhouetted against the dwarf windmill, their bodies entwined, Bryan and Eva look like their posing for the cover of a sappy teen romance. When the parents disappear behind the barn, they start making out, though Bryan’s eyes are open in my direction. Feigning disinterest is no problem for a talented actress like me. Even my saunter oozes unconcern.

I’m glad for the excuse to enter the shadow lands that border the cutesy golf course. My alleged search leads to an inviting bench to stretch out on. I should’ve sent my regrets, tonight. “Sorry, Mom. My allergy to Astroturf, you know. Have your people call my people to reschedule.” It’s bad enough that I have to see Romeo and Juliet together every day at school.

Bryan and Eva move on to the wishing well, right in front of me. Eva goes first and Bryan stands behind her with his arms around her, correcting her grip. Like he’s some kind of golf pro. What a dork. I sit up on the bench and watch. She wiggles her butt and prepares to swing the club. All the time, Bryan is watching me, his perfect white teeth working a wad of gum; I can almost smell the spearmint. Meeting his gaze, I adjust my skirt and show him what I can do with a golf ball. It rings the bell and he almost chokes. This round to me, I think.


Opening: Lauren.....Continuation: ril

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

...bribed Eva and me

...look like they are posing

Kate Thornton said...

OMG, ril - I nearly choked to death on that continuation!

Author, I love the beginning, but you need to proofread for correct usage of Eva & I (me!)and their (they're!) - stuff like that disturbs me. It has promise, though.

Dave said...

"Ridi Pagliacco, sul tuo amore infranto!
Ridi del duol che t'avvelena il cor!"


Laugh clown! Laugh for the crowd. Laugh at your lost love. Laugh even as your heart breaks in two.

(That's why clown's wear frowns.)

Robin S. said...

I like this opening, and I'd read more.
Don't want to beat a dead horse, but the "proofread for correct usage" advice given earlier is really important - those slip ups stop a reader cold.

Love some of your phrases - especially "Feigning disinterest is no problem for a talented actress like me. Even my saunter oozes unconcern."

and.."My alleged search leads to an inviting bench to stretch out on. I should’ve sent my regrets, tonight. “Sorry, Mom...Have your people call my people to reschedule.”

I love your narrator's attitude.

ril, you've done it again.

Lauren said...

I foolishly made changes to my first paragraphs minutes before sending them to EE. Next time I'll proof-read thrice. Thanks for the grammar check.

BuffySquirrel said...

Not sure if this is something I would read, but I love the voice.

McKoala said...

I liked the tone and attitude in this one.

Top continuation!

Dissing the interest said...

Robin S. loved `some of your phrases - especially "Feigning disinterest is no problem for a talented actress like me. Even my saunter oozes unconcern.'

So would I, except that I can't see how "disinterest" comes into it, especially feigned disinterest. Is it possible that the author meant "lack of interest" rather than "no stake in the situation"? Unless, of course, ril is right.

Anonymous said...

dis·in·ter·est(ds-ntr-st, -ntrst)
n.
1. Freedom from selfish bias or self-interest; impartiality.
2. Lack of interest; indifference.
tr.v.
To divest of interest.


Feiging disinterest = Feigning indifference. Pretending not to care.

Seems to work OK to me.

Anonymous said...

When the parents disappear behind the barn, they start making out...

I hate it when my folks do that.