Saturday, July 21, 2007

Bad Analogies, Part 4

This is the last batch; sorry if some of yours didn't get in.


The blood-spattered, purple surgical gloves looked like a character in a Dr. Suess book. --ME

She was about as graceful as a ballet dancer with a bad case of vertigo. --wonderwood

McBirdie was a big bloke, near twice the size of the next man, not unlike the extra large size popcorn at the movie theatre that's just a little bit more expensive; only with McBirdie, there were no free refills. --ril

His kiss was so bad that it reminded her of the big, red rubber plunger her father used to use to unplug the toilets--cleaned, sterilized and peppermint-scented, of course. --Dave

She cried until she had no more tears, like going from the rainfall in Bangladesh to the rainfall in Egypt. --EE

As I stared into his eyes, the reflection of exploding fireworks was like the birth of a new universe that would belong to only us. --ME

The restaurant had atmosphere. It reminded him of one of those old-style, aluminum shelled diners reeking of stale deep-fry grease, flabbergasted with cheap air-freshener and urinal cakes, redolent with the stench of stale cigars, cigarettes, tipparillos, and darkened by the carbonized remnants of bloody steaks burnt crisp on the outside and rare on the inside on a plantane grill. --Dave

He was gone, gone for good, and Lainie's heart was as empty as a gin bottle in a literary agent's bottom drawer. --EE

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

Not so edgy & controversial though...

phoenix said...

Loved all 4 parts of 'em! What clever minions you all are! I applaud all of you and hope you'll be submitting to the Post's next contest.

I couldn't think of anything for the exercise, but then one slipped out like a badly timed fart in a comment to a previous post. It was pretty lame, much like Bush will be next year, and if you notice it, you'll understand why I didn't participate.

Anonymous said...

This was fun, and easy to participate in as the time needed to squeeze one out was pretty minimal...

stick and move said...

This was fun, and good exercise, too. These were all funny. Good job!

McKoala said...

Missed this one, but loved reading them. Dave and ME's entries in no 3 struck me as particularly funny.

Bernita said...

Wouldn't call them "bad" - not at all.

Dave said...

These were fun to create and even more fun to read.

ME said...

Funner than the funny pages today!
stick and move and truthteller had some good 'ens. I really do have to say that Dave's lonelyman's blowjob was quite funny to me.Visions of a dog riding shotgun on that little trip, with its drool landing smack-gob on the backseat protrusion. Guess I just enjoy Dick jokes way too much. Also liked RobinS' ogling roofer! And of course, Mr. Evil got his digs in. Well done minions!!Hope you all get outside today, leaving your keyboards abandoned like a classroom during a fire drill.
Ha! my verify is a nice one --anicn

Dave Kuzminski said...

Why would a literary agent keep an empty bottle in his desk drawer? Waiting for the booze fairy to refill it?

Dave said...

You don't throw gin bottles into the garbage, that janitor might have a manuscript that he forces you to read (blackmail and extortion).

Anonymous said...

You want to see some excruciating analogies/similes? Read "Nineteen Days" by Jodi Picoult. Ouch.

I mostly enjoyed the story in the end, but... Ouch.