Guess the Plot
1. Dana's aunt mail-ordered a husband, but the man seems to be a zombie, and he's not the only one in town. The living dead are growing in numbers, and the only way Dana can uncover the mastermind is to make a deal . . . with the vampires.
2. When Benny Johnson and his partner stop for dinner before the biggest stakeout of their lives, Benny orders eggs, and his partner orders . . . brains. Soon Benny finds out why. Jeez, ya think ya know someone.
3. Boggy John didn't spell real good, but he had a knack for grilling steaks. Once people found out Zombie Stakeout was a restaurant, Boggy had more business than he could handle. But would they keep coming if they found out where he got his meat?
4. Petra is determined to catch the killer who has been decimating the population of Shady Oaks Retirement Village. And this time, she has the right bait: Fresh brains! If she doesn't catch the real killer soon, however, she's going to prison for a long, long time.
5. Mossy Dan and the risen dead have tired of pizza. Now they're headed for the local Sizzler. But will they indeed consume the succulent beef they set out for? Or will they settle for the meal they grew tired of before they grew tired of pizza . . . human brains? The impromptu health inspection they stage at the restaurant will give them the answer.
6. Plucky teenager Zenobia Schwartz battles the zombies who have invaded her Connecticut prep school. Inspired by historic tales, she places the heads of decapitated zombies on her school fence to deter others. But she has a better idea when she spots an ant hill out front.
CIA agents. Vampires. Zombies. Mail order spouses. Welcome to [Evil Editor's blog.] Lowersex…
Mediating between her psycho dad and suspected vampire teens, Dana Spark is offered a job with a paranormal investigation agency. But her youth is exploited, ordered to infiltrate the emo subculture—not her idea of a good time. And there's the risk of becoming a donor for bloodsuckers, with no guarantee of compensation. [We're moving too fast here. What exactly is she mediating? She's offered a job while mediating?
Okay, Dad, you sit on this side of the table. Vampires, that side. With fangs retracted, please. Thank you. Now, before we--
Ms. Spark? Sorry to interrupt--
Who are you?
I'm with Monster.com. It's about the résumé you posted last week?
Did she accept the job offer despite the extreme drawbacks, and if so, why? Fill in the cracks.]
Meanwhile, the man that Dana's aunt mail-ordered seems to be a zombie, and he's not the only one in Lowersex. The living dead are growing in numbers, [Finally a true zombie book, instead of one of those cheap imitations with one bit part for a zombie.]
[This being a short query, we have room for . . . Quotes from the movie My Boyfriend's Back:
Mrs. Dingle: Dr. Bronson, the reason I called is that our son Johnny... died the other day, and I was wondering if you could take a look at him... Would you like to talk to him? Sure. Johnny?
Dr. Bronson: Okay, well, you're dead. Which is unusual, because we don't normally see this much activity in a dead person.
Missy: Johnny, hi! Uh, listen, I think it's really great that you're back from the dead and all, but I've got gym.
Dr. Bronson: I'm afraid I have some bad news. Your boy is very sick. He's lost a massive amount of blood, and his pulse and retinal response are poor, and as you can see there's an axe sticking out of his head.
Johnny: It's because I'm dead, isn't it. That's why you won't go out with me.
Missy: Don't insult me.
Johnny: You're afraid of what people might say, aren't you. Behind your back, everybody whispering, 'there goes Missy and the dead kid'!
Buck Van Patten: You think you can hang out with us decent living folks like you're still alive or something?
Johnny: Why is everyone making such a big deal about this? I've only been dead ONE DAY.
Eddie: What do you mean, what? You just tried to take a bite out of my arm!
Big Chuck: Is there anyone in my family you DON'T plan to eat?
Reporter Brenda: We just received word that some sort of tragedy has happened in the high school today.
Sheriff McCloud: No, nothing unusual.
Reporter Brenda: I was referring to the slaughter.
Sheriff McCloud: Right, well, there was that.]
and the mastermind is likely a bloodsucker. But to uncover the true culprit, Dana must make a deal with the vampires' emperor that will cost more than just her blood—it could screw up the rest of her life. As if her paranoid CIA parents weren't trouble enough…
This is just the plot part of the query, as the credits are the same as the author's previous queries (426, 427, 428).
As with the others, it's not telling us the story, just touching on highlights. Sort of like listing quotes from a movie.