Monday, August 20, 2007
Guess the Plot
Best of Intentions
1. The client wanted the best, so he gave the paving contract to Seth Purefoy. Now Seth is having second thoughts, especially about the paving material, and he's also worried about the job site. If he'd known he'd be paving a road to hell, he'd never have submitted the bid.
2. Haren had the best of intentions when he tried to decoy the hunters away from Adrielle. Now that he's been captured, he's wondering where the paved road they're taking him down leads.
3. Jenine hopes her new bookstore, Best of Intentions, will revolutionize publishing. She'll carry only e-books, PODs, and self-published titles. Can she convince handsome banker Rodney Treen that investing with her will be a great idea, both financially--and romantically?
4. With the best of intentions, Bob stole Mary's lunch, helping her to lose weight. With the best of intentions, Mary stole Bob's BMW, hoping to bolster his humility. With the best of intentions, Bob burned down Mary house, hoping she would find a better place to live. Will Bob and Mary ever escape reality TV hell?
5. Matchmaker Penelope Thurgood never meant to hurt anyone - it wasn't her fault that she set people up with serial killers. But now they're all dead and Penelope is scared to set anyone else up . . . until the police bring her in to help catch a new serial murderer. Will she find him before he finds her?
6. Charged with a triple homicide to which he confessed, and which was seen by eleven witnesses, Johnny faces the jury and plays his trump card: Sure he did it, but hey, he had the . . . Best of Intentions.
Title: Best of Intentions
Genre: Young Adult Fantasy
Word Count: about 50,000
Adrielle is beautiful, inquisitive, and arguably the most powerful mage in the country of Atnatica. Haren is shy, sensitive, and oblivious to the fact that he has any powers at all. Why he's called upon to protect Adrielle is completely illogical to him, until he realizes that her power may perhaps be too strong for her to wield safely. [At which point his selection becomes perfectly logical?]
Atnatica's protocol states that intentions are everything, and one must never betray a commitment. In this spirit, Haren decides to use himself as Adrielle's decoy when a group of mage hunters enters the country. Taken hostage by her would-be captors, Haren is carried across the countryside and forced to work as a hunter for anyone with superhuman abilities. [This reminds me of Br'er Rabbit and the briar patch:
Haren: Okay, you've got me. I shoulda known I couldn't escape mage hunters, since I have no powers. I suppose now you'll kill me.
Mage hunters' leader: Kill him.
Haren: I deserve it, kill me, torture me, but please, whatever you do, don't make me hunt for people with superhuman abilities.
Mage hunters' leader: Hold it! I have an idea.]
While searching for a means of escape, Haren encounters Sala, a rebellious young woman who is eager to aid his breakout. He also hears whispers of the hunters' leader, Dii, a dark mage whose abilities may even be enough to overcome Adrielle, should he find her. [That's the end? That's too abrupt. Did you cut off the bottom half of the query?]
The mage hunters' leader is a mage? I know they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer, but if you're a mage, and you hire minions who are mage hunters, you're just asking for trouble.
Have you considered changing Atnatica to Antarctica, and making the mage hunters penguin hunters? Just a thought.
What's the main plot? All I see here is: Life was good in Atnatica until the day the mage hunters showed up.