Saturday, August 18, 2007

Guess the Title 2

Below are ten actual book descriptions taken from BN.com. One of the given titles belongs with the book; the other five are fakes. Answers at the bottom of the post.


1. A lively, hilarious, not-so-reverent crash course through the great philosophical traditions, schools, concepts, and thinkers. It's Philosophy 101 for everyone who knows not to take all this heavy stuff too seriously.

a. I Think, Therefore I Paaartayyyy!

b. Sex and the Single Thinker

c. Plato and a Platypus Walk into a Bar . . .

d. Camus or Kant You: Putting Descartes Before the Horkheimer

e. Who'da Thunk It?

f. You've Got Guts Between Your Teeth: An Insider's View of the Dog-Eat-Dog World of Philosophy Through The Ages


2. History--long ennobled as the privileged domain of lofty scholars and erudite minds--really just boils down to four things if you think about it. Who killed who, who conquered who, who screwed who, and in what order.

a. The Low-Brow Guide to World History

b. History and Herstory

c. Death and Sex: The Modern Puritan's Guide to History

d. How to Conquer, Screw, and Kill, Using History as Justification

e. They Kill Liars, Don't They? -- Historical Facts that Never Happened

f. Who Did What to Whom and When: A Cheat Sheet for the Historically Illiterate


3. Classic nursery rhymes with a thoroughly modern and charmingly ironic spin that will make the most sleepless fashionista mom smile, even when she's knee-deep in diapers.

a. Mother Goosed

b. This Little Piggy Went to Prada

c. Blah Blah Blahnik Have you any Rhyme?

d. Mother Goose Hangs Loose

e. Politically Correct Nursery Rhymes: Why Should Men Have All the Fun?

f. Refashioned Fairy Tales


4. Even if you've never attended a wedding in the South, you'll find laughter in the pages of this deliciously entertaining slice of Southern life and love, complete with recipes, advice, and a huge dose of that famous charm

a. Sophistication in the Sticks: Staging a Genteel Hillbilly Wedding

b. Too Many Pork Chops: Love, Weddings and Nineteen Cousins Who Can't Fit The Bridesmaid's Dress

c. Somebody is Going to Die If Lilly Beth Doesn't Catch that Bouquet

d. Take a Bite Outta Mah… Key Lahm Pah

e. "I'm Sure She's Very Nice": How to Survive the Southern Wedding

f. The Sacred and the Profane: Southern Weddings, from Tara Tripping to Trailer Trash


5. Everything you need to know about today's fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion.

a. The Bread Sea Scrolls Interpreted

b. Just Paste That Bacon To Your Thigh: Why Fad Diets Don't Work

c. Good Carbs/Evil Carbs: What You Must know to Get to Thin Heaven

d. Celebrating the Church of the Eternal Sourdough

e. Rice Guys Finish First

f. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster


6. Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped, that will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate.

a. Evil Editor: Nekkid

b. "I'd Love You If You Lost Twenty Pounds" (And other failed pick up lines)

c. Bull Hockey: Games for REAL Men (and we don't mean you girlie NFL players)

d. My Life among the Invertebrates and other Spineless Creatures

e. Ballbusters!

f. The Alphabet of Manliness


7. Never in the history of humankind have so many people uttered so many statements they know to be untrue. From presidents to priests, from corporate executives to lowly wage slaves, people have taken to saying not what they actually believe, but what they believe others want to hear.

a. Advertising: An Introduction

b. Your Call is Important To Us

c. Excuses to God for My Politics

d. The Slippery Slope of our Slimey Slogans

e. "I Love that Outfit!"-- BullShitting Your Way Through Life

f. Lyin’ Dogs and Laxity: When Tall Tales Take Over


8. A hilarious, good-natured spoof on more than fifty self-help books, this book will leave you feeling better about who you are and laughing your way to becoming the person God created you to be.

a. Teatime with God and the 7 Habits of Omniscience

b. As Seen On TV, Or Ten Minutes To a Perfect You

c. Don't Buy this Book . . . Unless You Want to be Over-paid, Over-sexed, Under-worked, and Halfway to Heaven

d. Maybe Life's Just Not That Into You

e. How to Kill Everyone Who Annoys You Without Wiping Out The People You Might Need Later

f. Self-Help for the Self-Help-Impaired


9. The poseur's bible, but with less religious overtones than the real bible-and more pointers on conspicuously carrying an NPR tote bag.

a. Everything I Know I Learned from Baby Jesus in the Manger

b. The Good Bits Bible (Unitarian Universalist Edition)

c. God Wants You to Vote for Me: the Politician's Guide to Acting Devout

d. Faking it: How to Seem Like a Better Person Without Actually Improving Yourself

e. The New Book of Judges (Without All That Judgmental Crap)

f. Pious Eye for the Agnostic Guy


10. A cranked-up collection of affirmations for mommies on the edge, self-styled divas, and domestic goddesses everywhere.

a. Why Mommy Takes Prozac

b. How to Survive Every Ailment Your Kid Can Have, Bake a Mean Souffle, Be the Most Popular Mom on Earth, and Bring Home the Bacon with a Home-Based Business

c. Feminazis, The Maytag Repairman & Other Myths of Mommyhood

d. Gynosaurs: The Lifetime Network As Scripture

e. You Say I'm a Bitch Like It's a Bad Thing

f. Take Your F**king Shoes Off When You Come In Here




Answers Below



Fake titles were submitted by Dave, Robin S., writtenwyrdd, Bill Highsmith, Scott, freddie, Ouch!, Khazar-khum, Evil Editor, and Anonymous





1: c; 2: a; 3: b; 4: c; 5: f; 6: f; 7:b; 8: d; 9: d 10: e

13 comments:

AmyB said...

Will you guys title my book for me? Please? These are hilarious. I especially liked 2-D, 4-B, 6-B, 9-B and 10-A.

writtenwyrdd said...

In case anyone has a hissy, I have to take credit for that snark on Unitarians with the "Good Bits Bible." I am Unitarian, so I get the joke. Don't know if anyone else does, though...

These are hilarious. I'd feel smart that I got nine offerings up, but not too many folks submitted, it appears.

And I actually recognized a couple of titles. Go FSM! Pastafarians unite! (www.venganza.org)

writtenwyrdd said...

amyb, three of those were mine, lol. We must think alike.

Bernita said...

Geese, these are clever!

phoenix said...

Chortle-arity!

WW: Loved the "Good Bits Bible" so at least two people aren't offended by it :o)

Also loved "The Bread Sea Scrolls Interpreted."

My fave: "Camus or Kant You: Putting Descartes Before the Horkheimer"

Ali said...

Great titles! Many were better, thought, than the real ones. I wonder how many of us were "Anonymous."

No hissy on the "Good Bits Bible" from this UU. I think we're all used to being snarked on by now. ;-) "Pious Eye for the Agnostic Guy" was the one that made me laugh out loud.

Robin S. said...

These were really fun. I've tried to pick my favorites - there are too many I laughed at to choose.

I want to read the second book. Books 6 and 7 - great gift ideas.

Church Lady said...

These were all brilliant!! Very fun to read!!

I loved these:
-Camus or Kant You: Putting Descartes Before the Horkheimer
- Blah Blah Blahnik Have you any Rhyme?
-Take a Bite Outta Mah… Key Lahm Pah
-Just Paste That Bacon To Your Thigh: Why Fad Diets Don't Work
-How to Kill Everyone Who Annoys You Without Wiping Out The People You Might Need Later
-Pious Eye for the Agnostic Guy

Dave said...

I don't understand this "Just Paste That Bacon To Your Thigh: Why Fad Diets Don't Work"...
I spread whipped cream on my thighs and let my girlfriend lick it off and she don't gain no weight. I don't either.

pacatrue said...

I did the laugh out loud on Faking It, so I'm glad to discover it's real. I would confess that I might go buy it; however, confessing that would sort of go against the point of the book. So instead I will confess that I'm going to go read Marcel Proust, um, again. I totally love that series. When that soufflé collapses in the oven... Magnifique! I can't wait for the next one to come out.

Robin S. said...

Dave,

There's only one you. You're great.

Pete said...

Ahhh, those were great. I hope this feature's officially sticking around. I "laughed out loud," (for real, I mean, not just in acronymic form.)

(Is acronymic a word? I don't think so.)

150 said...

Whoever wrote 1-d should be SHOT.