Guess the Plot
1. An opening in the Eighth dimension creates a new river flowing though the heart of the Outback, a river swarming with poisonous eels that devastate the continent.
2. Mutilated goats. A mutilated hitchhiker. Something is coming out of Eel River and attacking the commune. Is it an enormous evil talking land eel? Thanks to their mind-expanding drugs, the hippies don't care.
3. Songwriter Carol Cohen has just five days to compose a new song for Andy Williams, one that will be his biggest hit ever.
4. One slip of the knife cripples brilliant sushi chef Kaoru. After a corrupt local doctor transplants the body of a eel where his missing arm should be, Kaoru can return to the chopping board. Instead he becomes an Olympic swimmer.
5. When a genetic plague devastates cattle worldwide, McDonald's averts disaster by quickly switching to eelburgers.
6. When the peasants of Bumbria rebel against their Needling overlords, it looks bad for Nate Bugbutter -- until he meets the legendary Talking Eels, who hold the key to all wisdom and power.
In the early seventies, an idealistic group of hippies goes “back to the land” . . . never dreaming that the Land itself doesn’t want them there.
It all seemed so mellow and idyllic when the young couple bought seventy-two acres of pristine land in the country. But as their commune grows, strange things start to happen. [Strange eel-related things?] Two of the best milking goats are torn to pieces and left in a bloody mess in the back meadow. A hitchhiker disappears, her mutilated body later found in a creek. [Yep. Eels.] [The word "eels" looks weird when the first "E" is capitalized: Eels. It makes me think of golfer Ernie Els.] [Great idea for a horror novel: something is coming out of Eel River and mutilating goats, and it turns out to be golfer Ernie Els.] Yet the adults, busy experimenting with mind-opening drugs and free love, are slow to react.
[Hey, I found a mutilated woman's body in the creek.
Far out, man. Here, have a toke of this weed.
But shouldn't we . . . Mmm, mellow. Pass me that bag of Doritos.]
Only the ten-year-old Princess knows what’s going on—and that’s because the monster speaks to her. [You're missing a great opportunity if you just call it the monster. Call it an enormous talking land eel.]
The madness culminates at a groovy overnight party on the Land. All the hippies in the county attend, swimming naked in the river, sharing pot brownies and jug wine, and dancing to psychedelic tunes, while the
EEL RIVER, complete at 80,000 words, is a gothic supernatural novel told from various viewpoints, including the Princess, her parents, [the enormous talking land eel,] and a sheriff’s deputy. I was raised on a commune in rural northern California not unlike the Land [and I feel it's time the truth finally came out: it wasn't me who killed my hippie parents; it was an enormous talking land eel]. I’ve enclosed [whatever guidelines ask for]. May I send you more of the manuscript?
It's well-written, but it would help to have a couple character names. All we have is "The Princess." Is she a princess, or is that her hippie nickname, or what? I can see calling her "Princess," but the Princess seems weird . . . unless she's a princess.
Is the monster an enormous talking eel? As you have a character talking to it, I assume it's not a mystery what it looks like. There've been talking monsters and screaming eels, but a misunderstood talking eel would break new ground.
This is like Friday the Thirteenth, except instead of a guy in a hockey mask it's an eel.