Saturday, December 08, 2007
First Meeting 10
"Gasport believes he invented sails." Kendrick sniffed the extract. "It's those fancy new wooden ships they use to cruise the stars. Woodwrights and carpenters like your Uncle Harry keep the navy flying in space, don't you know?"
I poured Horizon fruit juice into glasses and handed one to Kendrick Jones. He raised a glass in salute of my rather audacious chess victory. Kendrick Jones stood two inches taller than Harry Jones with big, broad shoulders, a barrel chest. He sat crossed-legged in the tent wiggling his prehensile, finger-like toes -- playing, discovering. A green jockstrap covered his genitals. The first modest man I met since I came to Horizon.
"He's either Lord Nelson reincarnated or Horatio Hornblower in leather drag, a diva scorned." [Is he talking about Harry or Gasport? Is Gasport a person?] I chugged my glass of native fruit extract. Kendrick choked on his.
"Sweet Jesus that's strong. Tastes like paint thinner and grain alcohol."
"An acquired taste. You get used to it."
"I'll take your word for it," Kendrick poured another glass and sipped. He held back a cough. "Your story of Uncle Harry's demise tempted me. I'm sure you made Harry more innocent than he really was. Thank you for saving my feelings."
"Not a bit."
"I tried to tell Harry that carpentry crew didn't give a damn. They'd screw their Mothers if you offered them money."
It's too hard to tell who's talking and whom they're talking about. The latter would mostly be fixed if we were already familiar with the characters. The former will be fixed with some dialogue tags.
Kendrick speaks of "your uncle Harry" in p.1, but near the end he says, "Your story of Uncle Harry's demise tempted me." As if it's his uncle too. He would more likely say ... "Harry's demise," or possibly "your uncle's demise." Also, I'm not sure what is meant by the story "tempted" me.
Kendrick's never had native fruit extract? Did he just get there?
Are Kendrick and Harry brothers? If so, and Harry is the narrator's uncle, Kendrick would also be his uncle--or his father.
Horizon fruit juice? Is that a brand name? It would be weird if it meant Horizon the place. It would be like Earth fruit juice or Cincinnati fruit juice. Surely there's more than one kind of fruit on Horizon.
Posted by Evil Editor at 8:26 PM