Sunday, January 27, 2008

Fake Query 13

Tilpin Alexander deeds his 600 acre island-getaway to his friends in a last-ditch effort to divest himself of assets before his avaricious wife, Nancy, divorces him and takes everything. (Friends in Deed)


Dear Evil Editor:

FRIENDS IN DEED is a darkly humorous contemporary horror/fantasy, set on an exotic, secluded island. It is complete at approximately 90,000 words.

Owning a tropical island sounds great, but for Tilpin Alexander it's just one more problem to deal with. Tilpin discovers his miserable, gold-digging wife Nancy has been "entertaining" half the men in town. No wonder she's always so tired.

Thanks to Community Property laws, if he divorces her she gets half of everything, and that's just not fair. Tilpin decides to deed his tropical paradise to five of his closest friends, thus protecting his assets. It seems like a good idea, until a freak storm knocks out communications and transport to and from the island. By the time help arrives, Tilpin's friend Simon has been brutally murdered and all that's left of him are bones. Tilpin's surviving friends claim they were possessed by evil pig-like spirits, but Tilpin doesn't know what to believe. So he takes Nancy out there for a weekend…hoping to either solve the mystery or rid himself of her once and for all.

I have, of course, highly impressive credentials, which include writing lots of books that sold a bunch of copies, and also I once saw Woody Harrelson in a bar. I'd be happy to send you the complete ms of Friends In Deed for your review.

Thanks for your time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Regards,

Deece

14 comments:

Sarah said...

Oh! Woody Harrelson!

This is great!

Anonymous said...

Yes! Five bonus points for seeing Woody Harrelson in a bar! A most excellent credential! That's 23x more relevant + interesting than the academic puffery of recent queries.

December/Stacia said...

I actually did see him, too--at the Deuce bar on South Beach, where I used to drink and play pool every weekend.

Robin S. said...

Oh, girl - this is really good! I say write it.

Love the pig-like spirits, love the Tilpin logic flow - take the wife out to visit them pigs. Yeah.

Phoenix said...

Even if the Woody sighting by itself weren't enough, this would be:

hoping to either solve the mystery or rid himself of her once and for all.

I hope EE is taking notice of this darker side of you, "Deece".

Evil Editor said...

I am, I am. And I like it.

Sam said...

Loved this!!!!!!

December/Stacia said...

And that's why we're meant for each other, EE.

I am actually thinking of writing this one...with a few changes so the Lord of the Flies influence isn't quite so upfront.

Dave F. said...

Sounds like romance. The would-be divorce couple bickers all the while saving their miserable necks and fall in love again.

pjd said...

Terrific story, though I think Tilpin is one of those names that would be better spelled backwards. I am glad you are thinking of writing it.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

I'm thinking if you hope the pig-spirits attack your wife, there is no way this love can be rekindled.

Reminds me of my 2nd husband, actually. Where is this island located again?

Deece, I noticed The Lord of the Flies reference but it wasn't too strong. Can't wait for you to write it!

ME said...

Very contemporary! I would definitely read more. This is weird because there's another Fake#Fake that had the same not-Fake Name, but are entirely different. Sounds like you could write a tight and wicked short shorty out of this.

Church Lady said...

Yay! Why didn't you open with Woody?

I like this! Write on, baby!!

who cares what my fake name is said...

This is another great fake.

Intriguing.