Sunday, January 27, 2008

Fake Query 4

Jack Steele never expected to be forced to go to work for his sister's lingerie company. Now, up to his neck in panties, he must deal with an all-woman office and a rival company that put the "hostile" in takeover. (Barely There)


Dear Mr. Editor:

Jack Steele graduated college with a collection of conquest trophies that would make Don Juan blush: three hundred thongs, nine crotchless panties, and two sets of false teeth. Four years later, his latest girlfriend has flung him into the street, and he realizes... he needs a job.

He calls on his sister, Brenda, the lingerie industry's hottest up-and-comer with her new company, "Laced". When Brenda offers him the graveyard shift packing panties in the company's basement warehouse, however, he balks... until she reminds him of his $40,000 in bad debts. Bitter and lonely, his night life ruined, Jack starts frequenting online chat rooms. When a self-described hottie named December Robin hits on him, he's eager to meet her.

He doesn't realize that December Robin is actually April Lark, CEO of Panties "R" Us. April seduces her way into Jack's warehouse, then steals Brenda's corporate secrets in order to take over. When Brenda investigates and finds Jack in the middle of it all, she has Jack and April arrested. Seeing Jack in handcuffs reminds April of their nights in the warehouse, and she realizes she's fallen in love with him. With her entire company and future at stake, can April get herself and Jack off?

"Barely There" is a chick-lit romantic fiction novel complete in 240,000 words. My story "The Grass Is Always Greener In Someone Else's Pipe" appeared in "Weed Words," and my poem "Go Shit on Somebody Else's Day, I'm on the Phone" appeared in the anthology "Vanity Poetry."

Sincerely,

pjd

24 comments:

Robin S. said...

OK, pjd, all this time I thought you were a great guy, and so sensitive and sweet and giving and all that, until you said BRENDA was the up and coming hottie and...

DECEMBER ROBIN is described as a, uh, "self-decsribed hottie". Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Hmmmph. I wouldn't be all that certain that December Robin/April is gonna be helping get Jack off, if I were you, Bucky!

I'll give YOU a little self-described...

December/Stacia said...

Ditto Robin. "Self-described"??

Hmmph.

pjd said...

You'll notice that April Lark was pretending to be Robin December because she couldn't really be that terrific in reality. And Brenda is the sister.

And now for sure I'll hear it from Brenda...

I think I was still hung over from Thursday's release party. Yeah, that's my excuse.

Wes said...

Truly inspired!!!

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Laughs!!!

Err... thanks?

Dave F. said...

That's a funny story. Corporate espionage at what might be Victoria's Secret... Doris Day did it with perfume years ago and with the success of "the Devil Wears Prada" you should give it a try. At least a few thousand words.

Robin S. said...

OK, pjd - good save.

Just as long as we have our hottie priorities in order, there, ya know.

Um. You do realize all three love this stuff, right?

And I absolutely agree, Wes, he was inspired!

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Yup. "Brenda" and "sister". I hear it all the time. I just have sisterly ways about me.

Where's my thong? Oh right - ceiling fan again. Oops.

pjd said...

Absolutely. It's what inspired me.

I actually had phoenix in there, too, but had to cut something to get it down to the max words.

Sarah said...

LOL

Good one!

December/Stacia said...

Hmm. Okay. I'll let it go...this time.

pjd said...

ooh, that sounds like a challenge. I love a challenge.

Phoenix said...

Either Blogger for real ate my comment or EE was being ironic by cutting my post from your comments, pjd.

To recap:

Awwk! You cut ME??!! And to think I was about to post something NICE here. I was going to say,




But, oops, looks like Blogger cut my comment. Musta been too long. Sorry.

pjd said...

Augh! OK, I'd better shut up before I get someone else mad at me.

By the way, there's no way I'll write this book. I could try, but I think I'd be awful at this genre and just mess it all up. If anyone else wants to take a stab, we could split it 80-20 (80 for me of course).

Robin S. said...

I don't know about that - I bet you could write it if you wanted to. Your query was a riot.

Brenda Bradshaw said...

A story similar to this is already underway, although it's been pushed to the back burner for the last year or so.

Sarah said...

I think you can do it. Chick lit from a man's POV? Hm. With your sense of humor, it should be a, um, breeze. Yeah you know writing a book is a breeze compared to coming up with the idea.

ME said...

Ohh, the subtext makes me blush. I am glad I was late for this party!!! I am reading from the top down and this shit is getting wilder and wilder!! There's gotta be a New Archive/Hall of Fame category for this one!!

I'm not sure of the count here, but it seems that many of us, in different ways, chose to get our Jack off.

Have you posted your poetry at AW?

talpianna said...

I want to know the backstory of the false teeth!

WV: voehr
Too, too appropriate!

pjd said...

All right, I feel like I should know this one (and I probably do), but what's AW?

Thanks to all who think I could actually write this story. You have more confidence in me than I have.

pjd said...

So, Sister Brenda, when are you planning on taking it off the back burner and turning up the heat again?

Church Lady said...

Hahahahaaha!!!

I spewed coffee on this one.

I say Write It!!

Wes said...

Yes, write it!

who cares what my fake name is said...

This is funny, and could actually work.

(AW I believe is the forum at Absolutewrite.com)