Sunday, January 27, 2008

Fake Query 7

Hell just wasn't any fun. Sure it sounded good when Satan used that famous recruiting line: It's better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven. The trouble was, Satan was the only one who did any ruling. Everyone else suffered eternal torment. Can Elgin find that elusive chink in the brimstone that will allow him to escape? Also, a clock that runs backwards. (To Serve in Heaven)


Elgin Jones Smith wasn't in love with hell. With all the tormenting and complaining and overcooked food, it was like a really bad cruise. And all that propaganda about reigning there? Dead wrong.

In life, Elgin had been a professional poseur, pretending to be everything from librarian and jockey to casino dealer and Maytag repairman. It was during an unfortunate stint as an IRS accountant that he was murdered and unceremoniously dumped in hell. Now, Elgin is determined to find a chink in the brimstone and escape. Because with time ticking backward and refusing to run out, he's beginning to understand what an eternity of bad food really means.

But first, he has nine circles of hell to pose his way through. Then there's purgatory to contend with. And it looks like Satan may be catching on when the Devil's Brigade shows up in limbo, where Elgin is forced to pass as a fallen angel to escape their notice.

Still, the greatest test of his skill is yet to come: convincing Peter to open the gates of heaven to none other than the newly martyred Saint Elgin. God's in for a good laugh and heaven will never be the same.

Comedic literary novel SERVING BETTER FOOD IN HEAVEN is complete at 80,000 words. I've posed as the author of the wildly successful "Become a professional _____ in Just Two Weeks" series and "Divine Intervention: A 12-Step Program."

If you decide against representing my book, would you consider taking me on as an agent? I can start in two weeks.

Phoenix

7 comments:

pjd said...

I love love love this. You had me at "really bad cruise." And it just got better from there.

Robin S. said...

Yep, I 'm with the newly infamouse pjd- this is a good one. Makes a 'three-hour tour' look like a cakewalk!

I was starting to feel bad for Elgin. That little poser.

Sarah said...

I agree. Sounds like a great book. Love the ending - you can start in 2 weeks!

Khazar-khum said...

I'll hire you!

Ali said...

Wow. This query would get me to at least peek inside a book I'd otherwise have no interest in at all. Nice job!

ME said...

There's a lot of layers to this little bit of prose and so I read and re-read it once again. Very tightly toned and so nicely constructed. Now give the same treatment to (Aquilla? your MC) and watch the offers pour in!!! This is another excellent exercise from EE (and the usual suspects)! If I have time, I want to match up the Fake of #Fake to the actual query. Anyhow, Good one! I'd like pages, baby.

Church Lady said...

Love it!!

I say, write it!!