And now she was close enough to be heard if she spoke, in spite of the roar of the fire and lava falls. She didn't, though. Instead, she set the roses down, rivulets of lava spreading all around them, and was reaching up, reaching for his hair, the hair that had been shaved. Eagle braced himself for the torrent of chastisement he knew was coming along with the fire that threatened to envelop them both. The lava covered the ground in a thickening sheet. But he felt neither.
Instead, he felt Preces' small, cool hand alongside his cheek as she grabbed a lock of his long hair and with a wink, gave it a playful tug. How his hair had grown back was a question he left deliberately open. Standing unhurt in the middle of a massive conflagration – with the girl he loved and had lost, moreover…nothing more could surprise him. Who cared, anyway? Preces was happy, he could see that, and that was all that mattered to him. Leaning in a little too close, he watched the light dance in her green eyes, and he smiled – not by design to entice, but because he couldn't help it. Oh, God! The ecstasy, being with her again! This passion was surely going to consume them both.
Then Preces raised her other hand, laced its fingers through his hair as well, and pulled his face down to hers. Eagle's arms wrapped around her, lifting her up onto her tiptoes and pressing her hungrily against his chest. And just as they had that tipsy night in Bonilla's tower as summer unwound its way into fall, they kissed, and the unearthly brightness of that kiss would last forever [, or at least a few thousand years until archaeologists found their entwined remains preserved in igneous rocks at the base of the volcano, and pulled them apart] .
--Kalynne Pudner
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9 comments:
I found the first two paragraphs wordy, and while you may not want to remove as much as I did, here's a tighter version:
And now she was close enough to be heard if she spoke, even over the roar of the fire and lava falls. She didn't, though. She set the roses down, rivulets of lava spreading around them, and was reaching up, reaching for his hair, the hair that had been shaved. Eagle braced himself for the rebuke he knew was coming with the fire. But he felt neither.
Instead, he felt Preces' small, cool hand alongside his cheek as she grabbed a lock of his long hair and with a wink, gave it a playful tug. Standing unhurt in the middle of a massive conflagration – with the girl he loved and had lost . . . nothing more could surprise him.
Preces was happy, he could see that. Leaning in a little too close, he watched the light dance in her green eyes, and he smiled – not to entice, but because he couldn't help it. Oh, God! The ecstasy, being with her again! This passion would surely consume them both.
FIve gasping cherubs drinking sloe-gin and tonics, love the story but not the run on sentences.
Still, I like it. It's hot and sexy.
Hmm...lava falls. Preces.
Should I be concerned about a stalker?
Or is that just the paranoia breaking through my meds?
Romance amid impending death? Very Indiana Jones-ish.
But, these are cyber-people, right? So, the impending death is just a game?
In which case, I don't get how he can feel her small, cool hand grabbing his hair.
Very nicely done. But I, too, am having trouble with the idea that these are cyber people. Not sure if it works to have them 'feel' so real or not. I suppose that's how the cyber community would like it to feel. So maybe it does work.
Nice, hot writing.
Actually...does the snippet suggest this is a cyber-scene? I thought it was in the fantasy genre.
And I joked about how it faintly reminded me of my NB365, which begins with a video game character amid lava falls. But I don't think this romantic scene said anything about a cyberspace scenario.
Am I missing something?
You're missing that this is a scene from Face-Lift 478 (Jan archives), and those who recognized that are a step ahead.
AH! Thanks for the clarification. Oh, good. Total weird in-my-head coincidence. I feel much better now.
And now I see the cyber-challenge of the sensory details.
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