Death personified and his adopted son, Ayden Cain, are discussing the reason for Death's visit. An Archeologist has an artifact that will let him destroy the world and they must stop him from making a human sacrifice.
"Apparently, not all gods are infallible. Some are downright stupid." Death leaned back on two legs of the chair and finished his beer. "Nebuchadnezzar used his crown as the cornerstone of the Hanging Gardens. He sealed it in a golden box with three silver keys."
"Should have throw it in the royal crapper."
"His successor did just that. Our intrepid archeologist dug it out." Death gave Ayden an eye-rolling gotcha grin.
Ayden splayed both hands to either side of his face and made like a little boy. "Daddy what did you do today? Well son, today I dug up 2500 year-old shit to find a crown that will let me destroy the world and your Momma to. Aren't you proud of me?" Ayden laughed. Death just rolled his eyes, [Again?] tsk'ed and acted blasé.
"You're high? Maui wowie?"
"Mexicali nu-cue-lar, rolled on the loins of Aztec warriors. Guaranteed to put a smile on your face no matter what."
"Like an Aztec sacrifice."
"That too! I bought it special for you." Ayden opened an earthen jar and removed a cigar-sized doobie. He lit the end, took a drag and handed away. Death took a drag like to stone an elephant, turned bluish and tried to cough up a lung. His eyes, once hellfire red, dilated to soft amber.
"Strong shit. So this is high? I never seen these colors. I feel, happy, and I never feel happy. Why, I'm high enough to die, so die I will. Got some chips?" Death giggled and chuckled long enough to curdle a dead man's heart if one had been around to hear it. [New paragraph, including next line:] Ayden's took several drags.
"I need that," Ayden's [His] hesitation disappeared.
"I can sever the pain nerves." Death asked, all dreamy eyed.
"No, dying I can handle, living is hell. Let's go."
--Dave F.
[Hard to be boring when one of your characters is Death. Good one.]
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10 comments:
Sunday morning, hung over, head throbbing....but then came Death and Reefer Madness. Very funny. I feel so much better now.
I discovered that my characters have "eyeball-rolli-itis" and that is a bad habit (like shrugging or sighing).
The irony of this exchange is that they both die horrible deaths and they both know what's going to happen. Death, obviously, can't die. Cain is cursed not to die but to feel all the pain and then be restored to life. Death is asking a big favor and giving his company and friendship in return.
They have a funky relationship, I'm toying with the idea of sex.
Death is naughty. I suppose it's to be expected.
I waited til now to read this (for some reason?)so I was somehow really surprised by the reefer refs! I really laughed at the end. HA! Death ain't so bad, the way you write him.
ME
The Reefer Madness bit was a hoot.
It's interesting, but people very rarely roll their eyes. Shrugging is a little more common, and in my street at least, sighing has beome something of a second language.
But it's true though, isn't it? If we're not careful, we give our characters all sorts of nervous afflictions to 'do' between speaking.
Anyhow - liked this a lot.
This looks like a fun story, Dave!
You pulled me in with this scene. I really liked it!
Two (minor) quibbles, and they are preferences more than anything:
The word 'doobie' pulled me out a bit. Is there another word?
And the end when Death 'giggles and chuckles.' I despise the word 'giggles.' That's me though.
Overall, very nice!! Can't wait to see more of this story!
This is funny, Dave, but the stage business has some problems, as noted by others. Eye rolling by Death seems too thirteen-year-old girl to me.
I was confused as to who produced the blunt, because I thought it was the kid, but the dialog made it seem like it was Death. Had to read through a second time to straighten that out.
To be honest, a lot of the dialog doesn't quite work for me, although I found it funny. It's a bit too contrived, in particular the "strong shit" paragraph. I think a bit of tweaking can fix that easily enough, though.
Doobie, reeefer, blunt, MJ, toke, joint, weed, ganja, hash, roach, and a whole lot more euphemisms for hand-rolled marijuana cigarettes.
Those last three lines are what is left of 450 words explaining why Ayden is getting high. I left the dialog for the exercise. The description wasn't necessary for the exercise.
Look at the clues - It's not a social visit it's a Busman's Holiday. They have time before the world ends. Death eats. Ayden gets to serve him and drink with him. But now, Ayden knows that business is at hand. Death and Ayden are going to take the places of the human sacrifices as the archeologist claims power. Death is already dead. Ayden, however, has to be high. Ayden bought the Doobie for himself, to blunt the pain of his upcoming death.
Do you see the irony of their relationship? Cain, son of Adam and Brother of Abel is friendless, so is Death. They have this father/son relationship to keep each other company. Either that or live completely alone forever. Forever is a long, long time. They are both really screwed up. But, they playact normality. They aren't whole, real persons, just half-persons.
And for non-cigar aficionados, the very best Cuban Cigars were said to have been "rolled on the thighs of teenage girls." Or some other such nonsense. Cigar's are guy things,
Ayden tells Death "Rolled on the thighs of Aztec Warriors" as part of their "game".
I love your personificaiton of Death and him having an adopted son. Very fun scene.
I did get a bit confused with some of the dialogue and who was speaking when. I think if you combine Death's eye-roll (or whatever you replace it with) with the next line of dialogue (if that's Death's line), then it'll be more clear.
Love your voice and your characters.
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