This scene is between Freddy and her dad, Colin. Colin was spying on Freddy and saw her making out with a strange boy at the local burger place, right before everyone in the restaurant was attacked. Colin jumps in to help Freddy and her friends. The attack was not serious and this scene takes place right after.
“I’m so glad you came along, Dad. It was so…I’ve never seen anything like it. It was horrible.”
Colin nodded. The silence stretched and then, clenching his jaw he said, “Who was that boy, Freddy?”
“You mean Jon? He’s Junie’s boyfriend-apparent.”
“No, the one you were with.”
“Pete?”
Colin cast her a dark look. “Don’t play dumb, kiddo.”
Freddy ground her teeth. “I thought it was strange you were there. Were you spying on me, Dad?”
“I’m worried about you.”
Fred snapped. “Why?! Why are you and Mom so worried all the time? I go to school. I get good grades. I have friends. I don’t do drugs. I’m not having sex. I’m an ideal teenager, dammit! Why are you and Mom always so worried about me? What am I doing to make you think you can’t [not] trust me-”
“-it’s not that-”
“And why are you on FreddyWatch all the time now? Don’t pretend you’re not.”
Colin looked uncomfortable, then he shrugged. “You’re our baby and we love you.”
“Mrs. Kim loves Junie too, but you don’t see her stalking her kid at the local burger place [McDonald's]. Why would you do that?”
“Why didn’t you tell me about the guy?”
Fred crossed her arm and glared out the car window. “I just met him. There isn’t anything to tell.”
“You just met him and you two were kissing like that?”
“Da-ad!”
Colin held up a hand in supplication. “Ok. I’m sorry. I’m just surprised, Fred, I thought you’d tell me and mom once you met someone.”
Fred shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “Can we talk about something else?”
“Sure. So…your party on Sunday.”
“Yes?” Fred said warily.
“Is the guy [he] coming?”
“Dad.”
--Anon.
[Good scene, but some dialogue didn't sound natural.]
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4 comments:
Dad's great. Love the way he turns the conversation back at the end. But - do parents of teenagers really expect to be told when their kids 'meet someone'? That was the last thing I'd be telling either of my parents.
I agree with the cuts in the dialogue here- made it stronger.
I'm guessing we aren't aware of why the dad here is tracking his kid - but I agree with McK here - I steered very clear of my parents from my mid-teens on - and my daughter does that now to me ) I get why, so I'm good wih it, as long as I can keep trusting her).
But I do think what you've said here is well done, with th ebit fo paring.
Not sure about the stretching silence and the supplicating hand and I concur with EE about some of the dialogue.
But there's enough here to warrant a snip 'n' tuck. It's a good scene - partic for people saying something they otherwise wouldn't.
I am left wondering what the point was of this conversation. Dad shifts focus awfully fast by talking about the party. It felt a little off because dad didnt seem like the type to let go of that particular bone yet.
I think the relationship is nicely established in the conversation, and I would have read more, though.
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