Our protag is on his way to avenge his brother's murder, at night, when he runs into Julian, who's been waiting for him. Julian's attention has been attracted by the silver medallions our protag's horse is wearing, and he's tried to buy them. Julian is working for the Emperor but our protag hasn't twigged this yet :)
"I hear the silver market's depressed," I said. "Although that for gold is buoyant."
His eyes narrowed, pinching his whole face. In the next moment, however, his expression relaxed.
"That's not how to bargain, Aquilla," he told me.
Had he thought it a casual remark? And there I was trying to be clever.
"You are free with my name--what is yours?"
"You are slow," he said, also with a smile. "Perhaps it's the clothes? The context? I don't disguise myself, yet I'm never recognised...I believe I could stand shoulder-to-shoulder with my brother, and never be known." His eyebrows were raised, and he held the torch so close to his face that I feared his hair would catch. "No? Well, we have different mothers, of course. Perhaps that makes the difference?"
I studied him, trying to map his face onto those of people I knew.
He sighed. "I know what you see when you look at me, but when you look at him.... What do his young hounds see?"
"You're Radea's brother?"
This was like being hit by a shell. [Like getting conched on the head.]
"Is it so hard to believe?"
It was--very. I might have said, impossible. Yet he had been quick to come to Radea's defence on the airship. What a fool he must have thought me.
"Don't look so dismayed," he added. "It's very useful to me to be thought nothing of, believe me."
The black was done scratching. I pulled his reins over his head, and began leading him to where the track began. Radea's brother fell in alongside me, abandoning his mules.
"You must not," he said.
"I want justice for my brother."
"There are more important--"
"Not to me--" shoving him away "--not for me."
His hand seized my arm. "Must I fetch Aquinus Caesar to make you do as you are bid?"
--BuffySquirrel
[Well done. The gold/silver line sounded like a code greeting between spies. In context, I'm sure we'd see why Aquilla thinks it's so clever and why Radea thinks it isn't.]
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8 comments:
This, I like. I'm especially intrigued by the tantalising inclusion of the word 'airship'. If this is Romans in Zeppelins, I'm in.
Not sure about 'mapping his face' from a straight Roman perspective, but, given the potentially interesting milieu, I'm guessing it will work.
Interesting Buffy. Be careful you don't do what I did and give your characters eyeball-itis. There are other ways to show emotion .I fell into the grand three - eyeball-rollie-itis, shrugging-bug and sighing, sighing, sighing sickness.
When Julian says "that's not how to bargain," he's laughing at Aquilla's expense. He knows the code words and he realizes that Aquilla is wrong. When the appropriate response is not forthcoming, Aquilla is left to back-peddle and obfuscate. I've been on both sides of this game.
"Radea's brother fell in alongside me" name the poor guy. He isn't a secret anymore. And Aquilla knows the stakes already.
Yes, whirlochre: Romans with Zepps!
Spectacular!
Any chance of an aerial tortoise?
Heh, I have been pondering ways of protecting the airships, but a tortoise sounds a bit heavy!
Hey, Aquila!
Yes, I didn't understand the gold/silver interchange or why Aquila thought he was clever. Is Aquila not clever? The dialogue read well, I'm guessing most questions would be clear in context.
Super, Buffy. Maybe you'll get some airship defense ideas by looking at Da Vinci's machines.
On the ground, I can see siege weapons converted to anti-airship duty. (A cow flung to 100 m is pretty scary.)
I liked the dialogue as the protagonist figures out who Julian is, but from "You must not" I was baffled. Must not what? Lead his horse to the track? Maybe in context it would make sense but the transition seemed abrupt and I felt like I'd been dropped into a second dialogue, unrelated to the first.
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