I was thinking about how you were joking about charging for advice (maybe that was Evil Pychiatrist and I am confused) and I thought about how I would not mind being a dues-paying (and higher-ranking) minion. I would pay to log on to you, my evil Ed. But I am strange. Is that in the average blogger-joe's future? Will Evil become a paysite?
I'm afraid it's inevitable, but dues is not the way to go. Based on sales figures of Novel Deviations, most minions are destitute, and we don't want to lose them. Thus I'm working out a payment structure that will go into effect eventually, and that can be utilized by those who wish, and ignored by the rest. Here are the services available, and the costs:
Bumping your query to the top of the queue: $10.00.
Bumping your query above that of someone who just paid to be bumped to the top of the queue: $20.00.
Using your continuation instead of a funny one: $35.00.
Using one of your lame fake plots: $5.00
Putting your writing exercise in the honored last position, reserved for the funniest one: $40.00.
Fixing the typos in your query or opening before posting it: $3.00/typo.
Not mocking your query letter: $50.00.
Pretending I liked your query letter: $75.00.
Praising your query letter as if you are God's gift to the world of literature: $100.00.
Publishing one of your comments that makes me look like an idiot: $200.00.
Rejecting one of your comments that makes you look like an idiot: $300.00.
Humiliating a specific minion you've grown to hate: $400.00.
Including one of your undeserving pieces in Novel Deviations: $500.00.
Creating a personalized clipart drawing to go with your query: $1000.00.