The Rules: The Cats Respond
1. It’s my bed. You are not entitled to more than half of it.
All comfy flat surfaces are the property of cats. This is a law of nature and of nations. Move your feet.
2. My food is not for cats. My drink is not for cats. My meds are not for cats.
Anything we can get our greedy little paws on is by definition “for cats.” Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to get hold of it, right?
3. GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WASTEBASKET!
If you don’t want the stuff any more, why SHOULDN'T we help ourselves to it?
4. When I am trying to take a nap, or deeply asleep, it is not the time for cat rugby.
We took a vote on this. You lost, two to one.
5. You might try exerting yourself occasionally to CATCH the bug, instead of just staring at it in a bemused manner.
Only if you can guarantee that it tastes like a Sheba duck dinner.
6. If you keep making phone calls by stepping on the Speakerphone button, you’re going to have to pay for them yourselves.
Hah! Little do you know that we have your AT&T credit card…and we know how to use it.
7. Don't go after the people food while the people are still eating it!
But once we take it away from you, you’re not eating it anymore. So what’s the problem?
8. If you’re going to make yourself comfortable on the desk in front of the monitor, LIE DOWN! I need to be able to see what I’m writing.
Shut up and pet us.
9. To quote an old cartoon, never, never, never think outside the box.
No answer—just cats rolling around on the floor laughing their asses off.