Why you don't get published.
A man goes into a pet store looking for something to cheer up his wife. The salesman talks him into a swearing, foul-mouthed parrot at a great discount.He takes it home and his wife is overjoyed, until the parrot starts "talking"."Hey fat ass!""Hey, you ugly fat cow!""Hey lady. You are HUGE!""Hey lady, you could sit around a house!""Hey lady. You're ginormous!"The wife is livid and the husband is told off. An ultimatum is served by the husband to the parrot."Either you stop calling my wife names, or you go straight back to the pet store."The parrot gulps and nods. Not the pet store!A few days go by. The parrot is silent. Then, just as the woman is starting to like the company of the parrot, the parrot talks again."Hey lady!" The lady glares at the parrot."YOU know..."
I was going to ask why no parrots, but scott cleared it up for me. Thanks.
I was inspired by Saki's classic short story "Tobermory," about a cat that learns to talk. It's online if you want to check it out:http://tinyurl.com/3435skI suggest if you don't have a pet, you use a dust mite, or a stuffed animal.
How am I supposed to have sex with a cat? Now I ask you. Honestly.Well, maybe it's time to pull out that fluffy bunny story after all.
Robin, how about your cat reporting on YOUR sex life?
Potato chips talk to me. Late at night, they call me. Davy, davy, we want you. We need you. Aren't you hungry for our company? We're lonely for your lips. Let us touch your tongue. Such crunchy delights await you.
No worries, tal- I was just playing, hoping to get a reaction from HRH, as I have received no babysitting whatsoever this week.
Ooo. This'll be a fun one.Robin, I think Talpianna's was a perfect suggestion. Though your pet could be a wild cat--just a thought.
Heh heh, xiexie. Here's the thing -my cat's old and neutered. I think I'll use a fantasy cat instead, unless Dale looks at me with his blue, blue eyes and makes me feel guilty.But you're right - it'll be a fun one, either way.
I can't wait to read a story about a talking puss...
I immediately thought of the talking duck in the Sheldon comic: http://tinyurl.com/32kpol It's a bit easier to live up to than Saki.
The novel Dogs of Babel is a great talking animal read.
Hey iago- I've written one just for you, sweetie. Well, and maybe for Sparky, too.
Howard the Duck?Should be Huevos Rancheros or A L'Orange.
Post the writing exercise in comments? Mail it to someone? Burn it and never admit to any responsibility?
Comment is fine. I won't publish it. Or you may email it
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