Why you don't get published.
Hmmm, would I fall for that line?Let me think. No.
Then you're one in a million.
What were numbers 1 through 11?
1. Hi, I'm Evil Editor.2. Would you care to submit to me?I suppose the Evil Minions should fill in the rest; they know me better than I know myself.
Then you're one in a million.~Oh, I feel special.
I don't even think I would recognize a pick up line if I heard one.
Yeah, you'd have us with the first two.But it's not you speaking; it's the guy (and Julie, I'm thinking you wouldn't care what that guy was saying, as long as he was saying it to you...). So are these pickup lines you would use (which we have already done) or pickup lines inspired by you that someone else could use?
I'd submit to you in a New York minute.
Then you're one in two.
Wait, so Robin and I get to submit to you? Great!I'm thinking Robin has a different idea in mind, but I'll send my manuscript posthaste ; )
(and Julie, I'm thinking you wouldn't care what that guy was saying, as long as he was saying it to you...).~I guess I am either dense or extraordinarily unattractive. I've been separated ten months and I don't think anyone has tossed a pick up line at me. Well, there was one gentleman who asked me if Borateam or Oxyclean was better for work clothes. He later asked me out to dinner. I declined. Is that a pick up line?
The part where he asked you to dinner was. The part where he suggested he's looking for someone to do his laundry, not so much.
The part where he asked you to dinner was. The part where he suggested he's looking for someone to do his laundry, not so much.~I think he was genuinely asking about Borateam. Watching him do laundry was pretty fascinating, if you're into laundry. He was absolutely meticulous the way he folded his clothes. He definitely wasn't a novice.I think the dinner invitation was his horror at the idea I had applications in to go to Iraq."Oh, you don't want to go to Iraq. Would you go to dinner with me tonight at Red Lobster?"Hmmm, decisions. Iraq or Red Lobster.
I used to be really good at pick up lines. Odd my mind isn't coming up with any now.I obviously need to go back to my Cajun cowboy story and hone my pick up skills.
Let me clarify. I'd submit my manuscript, or me, or both, to you in a New York minute.
Hmm, forgot about the horse trader. I was looking at ropes and he offered to help me. "I'm an expert on hard lays," he said with a wink. (Lay is a type of rope.)I don't think EE would use that line, though.
Let me clarify. I'd submit my manuscript, or me, or both, to you in a New York minute.~Robin, you are such a trooper. I so admire your determination, zest and desire.
Which makes me wonder if EE does indeed receive mss at his evil address.EE?
Which makes me wonder if EE does indeed receive mss at his evil address.EE?~If he does, I'm sure he will be receiving a nicely wrapped package before long.Robin, dear, you really do need a wider ribbon.
Hmm. I just thought Evil was trying to expand his demographic. Tell us more, Julie, about the hard lays!ME
Buffy asks for boys and EE delivers!Julie: Sounds like you fell for the one in a million line ;o) Interesting dynamic between Robin and Kiersten: They are always both so focused here on EE's blog, just on such different goals ...
Tell us more, Julie, about the hard lays!~So there I was, digging through the used rope bin looking for some soft lays to make bowls. It was Christmas time and nothing says Christmas in Texas like a bowl made out of a used catch rope. Soft lay ropes, as you might guess, aren't as stiff as hard lays.I find six ropes I like and take them in to pay for them, pick up some Mane and Tail shampoo and decide to look at kid's ropes for a friend's son. I'm uncoiling the ropes and feeling them, when a cowboy walks over and asks me if I need any help.I'm wearing a silver watchband and he reaches out and runs his finger along it, grazing my wrist. "Nice watch.""Thank you."He shakes out a rope and says this one would be good for a kid. "It's soft enough he can work it and hard enough to hold a loop. You don't want a hard lay for him because it's too difficult for a little one." He winks. "I'm an expert on hard lays.""I see. You aren't bashful, are you?""Nope. Why not go after what you want? Only reason I ain't a bigger man whore is because I ain't prettier."I change the subject to the horse market and he says he'll get me a business card. He later pulls up next to me as I'm leaving and tells me to look at the back of the card. I turn it over and it says, "Booty call.""Think of me on those long, lonely nights, darling."Cowboys are nothing if not subtle.That probably qualifies as a pick up line.
Julie: Sounds like you fell for the one in a million line ;o)~Rats. I just wanted to feel special, like a unique snowflake. Now I realize I'm not even special because I'm special.Kiersten and Robin are hilarious. I envision Robin sitting on his shoulder in her little red devil outfit, swinging her tail and whispering in his ear, "I have a treat for you." Kiersten sits on the other shoulder with a platter of chocolate chip cookies fresh from the oven, "I have a treat for you."Julie sits in a pool of sunlight, playing with dust motes, "I don't need treats, I'm special."
Oh my goodness, Julie, is that all true?Yowza! You really MUST be a babe like your avatar!You go, girl.And Phoenix, it's true. I love EE for his mind. Robin loves him for his...well, let's just say it's not his mind. Although I'm sure she appreciates that, too.
Wow. I've been missin' some good stuff here. I'm gonna be up late tonight. Anybody else?PS, Jules girl - a/k/a: woman-to-whom-EE-gave-a-nickname, the dynamic between Kiersten and me is a simple one. She is sweet and good, and I'm not. (Same dynamic exists with phoenix and me - she's darling, and I'm...well, not so much.But you, Jules, you're a delicate petal as well, eh??
Yes, yes. Robin sees the truth!
Oh, I have a treat for him, all right. And I'm gonna ask him opt keep that brown shirt of his on while I hand him his treat.
Can this please please please be an open mike nite soon?
Oh my goodness, Julie, is that all true?~Yes, all true and I left much out. He was definitely a charmer.Yowza! You really MUST be a babe like your avatar!~Hardly, I am older than dirt and he was a horse trader. Horse traders love the game. There is something primal and attractive about pure lust, so I'm sure his line of bull is very successful
Freak out. I just looked behind me out my patio doors- and there's a raccoon sitting not two feet from my chair in the family room - eating cat food and lookin at me like he's really happy.
But you, Jules, you're a delicate petal as well, eh??~Yes, not sweet and not exciting, just delicate.We need to find a place to chat when EE is missing in action.
Oh, I have a treat for him, all right. And I'm gonna ask him opt keep that brown shirt of his on while I hand him his treat.~*laughs*Hmm, yes, the brown shirt is nice.
and there's a raccoon sitting not two feet from my chair in the family room - eating cat food and lookin at me like he's really happy.~Of course, he's happy. They love cat food. I really miss living out of town.
*snickers at the thought of EE trying to watch the ball game."Don't those blasted women ever go to bed and leave me alone?"
What ball game?
He's watching the cricket.
Julie, my dainty viand, that guy's pickup line was the worst one this side of "Nice legs. What time do they open?"
Hmmm.I kinda like "Nice legs. What time do they open?"Maybe it's just me.
Yeah. The cricket. That's believable. I've seen cricket. I slept.
You ladies are nothing if not entertaining.
Jules, I just read the comment trail here, and this:There is something primal and attractive about pure luststuck out.You're a very wise woman. Very wise, indeed, Jules.
Julie, my dainty viand, that guy's pickup line was the worst one this side of "Nice legs. What time do they open?"~Oh, no. There's a lot of difference. A line like that would bring me close to slapping a man or at the least telling him to grow up.That's something accompanied by a kid, who is probably fighting to control his giggling about how cool he is. He wants it, but most likely has no idea what to do with it when he gets it. I don't have much use for juvenile minds accompanied by juvenile techniques.The other is quite dangerous and effective.I'm standing there uncoiling ropes and running them through my hand to get a feel for it when he walks up and offers to help.I look up and here is this cowboy who smells like horses, wearing his spurs and attitude like a badge. He's looking at me with a pure, unadulterated hunger and a lopsided grin. Now if this was the Deliverance kind of look, a woman better run for her life, but it isn't. It's a promise. I'll be content to sit here and watch you all day long and appreciate you, but if you'll let me, you won't regret it. He opens with the watchband, trailing his finger along the edge, ending with him touching on the inside of the wrist. He goes straight for a hot spot and does it so innocently no one can object. The juvenile would have reached out and grabbed a breast or a butt. Horse trader is letting you know he knows what he's doing and he's gauging response. It's kind of like a stud nickering to a mare to see if she's receptive. Juvenile is copping a feel because that's probably all he's going to get. Then he asks me out to dinner."No thanks, I'm married""No ring.""I'm separated."He looks me over again. "You're husband have any idea what he's losing? Want me to call him and tell him what a fool he is?"He's letting me know, husband doesn't appreciate you, but I would. Straight for the throat if a woman is in the market."You think this rope is right for a five-year-old?"The juvenile is like a yapping Chihuahua, running up and down the fence. The horse trader is a big dog, lying on the porch, always watching and waiting for an opportunity. When it comes, he's going to take care of business.There's a reason cowboys make such good romance fodder."There is something primal and attractive about pure luststuck out.You're a very wise woman. Very wise, indeed, Jules."Wise, I'm not so sure. I'm an observer. It's a two way street about the attraction, or so I have heard from my male mentors.
The worst pick-up lines I've heard:1. "I made a woman pass out during sex once. You're next." 2. (Pointing to one of my legs, and then the other) "If this is Thanksgiving, and this is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"There are more, but those are the ones that stick out in my mind.I think the hard lays one was pretty clever.
"1. "I made a woman pass out during sex once. You're next."Ugh. I don't doubt it. Total unconsciousness would undoubtedly be more pleasurable."2. (Pointing to one of my legs, and then the other) "If this is Thanksgiving, and this is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?"Do you think you'll be out of the hospital in time for the holidays?There is a definite art to pick up lines.I was out shooting pool with a friend one time and we ran into some cowboys we knew. They'd won a big roping and were celebrating and feeling no pain.I had to get up early the next morning so I told them all goodbye. One of them, who was particularly drunk, said, "What's the matter, you afraid you're gonna turn into a punkin' at midnight?""Yeah, Mike, something like that.""It's ok, I'll take care of you. I'm an old punkin' eater from way back."It was lewd, crude and socially unacceptable, but I couldn't help laughing.I would
Wow, Freddie, those are bad. My worst was some gross white trashy looking guy calling out the window of his van as I was PUSHING MY TWO CHILDREN by in their stroller:"Want another baby? I'll give it to you!"Only time I've ever been tempted to flip someone off.
The beauty of it was I was so shocked in both cases that I couldn't think of anything to say in return, except, "Uh . . . no."
Freddie, I don't blame you.I'm usually pretty good at responses, or was, when I used to get pick up lines frequently.Some are just too stupid to respond to. If it amuses me, I'll ask them if they've been practicing that long or if it usually works.One guy, who works in adult films in Australia, tossed me a line once and I reminded him I was delicate and shy. It immediately went back to friends only basis.Kiersten, that was just crude.
Yeah, crude AND it scared the heck out of me because when I finished walking home to the apartment complex the van he was in was circling the place...I didn't go to my apartment until I saw them leave. Scary.And Freddie, it's so true. I'd like to think I'd come up with some snappy, appropriately cruel, women-empowering remark, but the types of things they say are just so shockingly inappropriate it's almost impossible to respond.How about anti-pickup lines, EE?
Oh, I think we should come up with some good pick up lines for EE. Not that he is lacking in that department, but it's what friends do.Maybe we can come up with the gal's description who is going on a blind date with him!
Kiersten, that would be frightening. I had a van follow me in Nashville one night while I was walking and it was kind of unnerving. I'm not afraid of much, but that made me nervous.Most of the morons should just be ignored.
Ok, EE pick up line.Hi, I'm Evil Editor and I have all the write stuff.
Oh- I had one sent in this afternoon- and it looks like it was eaten.
Okay, Key, the guy circling your apartment building was just beyond the pale. Yikes!
The van thing IS scary. Good idea not to show him where home is. Also a good idea to pull out your cell phone and let him see you make a call- and look like you're getting his license number. Or, really get it.Too bad I'm not there with you. I never worry about having a snappy comeback. They're over-rated in real life. My comebacks usually include phrases like - hey, you fuckin' dickweed asshole, screw with me and I'll denut your ass.Things like that. They work, I've found, say, at 2:00 am when the bars are closing, or, say, at a party (not a nice one, the other kind).Another good thing - if you're not in a place where obscenity is tolerated - is to simply look at the asshole, without making a face. Just look. Or, better yet- totally ignore them. Drive them nutes - which is qute gratifying.Now- if you're in danger of being in actual danger- neither approach works. Been there as well. I can't actually repeat what I did then. I wouldn't wanna get a reputation for being a bitch or anything like that.
Oh- I had one sent in this afternoon- and it looks like it was eaten.~That means you need to do two. I have to admit EE's submit one is pretty hard to beat. That would get a smile and an atta boy from me.Okay, Key, the guy circling your apartment building was just beyond the pale. Yikes!~Yep, especially when she had babies with her. It just magnifies the fear when you have the kiddos around and crap happens.
Oh, I want Robin with me when I go scary places.I did knock a guy through a candy aisle at 7-11 once, but it wasn't because of a pick up line.
I think it's really funny when comment sections get hijacked like this. I always wonder what EE's reactions are when he reads these. Does he roll his eyes and sigh, or does he laugh?Anyway, Robin, sometimes I'd like to be able to say things like that, but alas, I cannot. I always opt for the non-response. I don't even look at them.But can I just say how much I love you ladies? You make me laugh.
You ladies do meet very strange men in strange places. I've only ever met men at tea at the vicarage, with dear Mother.
You ladies do meet very strange men in strange places. I've only ever met men at tea at the vicarage, with dear Mother.~Strange men are everywhere. You just need to get out more.
I think it's really funny when comment sections get hijacked like this. I always wonder what EE's reactions are when he reads these. Does he roll his eyes and sigh, or does he laugh?~I'm quite sure trying to keep everyone focused here is like herding zombie cats. I doubt he even tries anymore.It might possibly be more like chicken football
http://tinyurl.com/28jny7Hmmm, how about a link that works AND in the right thread?
I'm probably going to be leaving here soon. Between snickering about EE pick up lines and thinking about Surrey, I had a very bizarre dream. There I am at Surrey and things are going well when some man behind me says, "I'd like you to submit to me."I think it's someone being smart and snap, "Yeah, well, I would but I left my collar at home." Then I turn around and see it's my dream editor, who has a horribly shocked look on his face.He wastes no time spreading the word to the publishing industry I'm insane and I get blacklisted. Thus end my dreams of being a writer.So, you see, I have no choice. I must leave before I fall deeper into the pit of evilness.
Wait, Julie, are you resigning as a Minion?!?
Wow, EE. You're sure being quiet.
Apparently, being a minion warps a person's mind, Kiersten. I am very afraid. *sniffle* I don't have much to work with.Having a dream about being outcast from the writing community was terrifying. It's all EE's fault for posting that blamed pick up line. He really is Evil, you know. All right, enough bull shot.I woke up laughing, but it was rather horrible. The poor editor had such a shocked look and all I could do is stand there saying, "Oh my God," over and over and stammering some stupid apology.Unfortunately, I seem to be addicted to this place, so I imagine EE would have to ban me.
Kiersten, you know perfectly well that the only way anyone ever leaves this blog is feet first...
I would have thought in a body bag, but that's just me...
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