Book Pitch 10

Evil Editor’s next appointment entered his hotel room—without opening the door.

“Please! Dim the divine effulgence, Most High!”

“Sorry,” said God, seating Himself. He was now glowing softly, and the chair had become a golden throne. “I always forget the effect of global warming.

“How did you like Our manuscript?”

“Is that the divine plural, or did You have a collaborator?”

God looked embarrassed, and the floor was immediately carpeted in blush-pink roses. “Some of it was Holy Ghost-written. It’s so hard to find time when One already has a full-time job.”

“All right, then, let’s get to it. First, the title. Why THE OLD TESTAMENT?”

“Well, I was thinking trilogy. I’ve finished the first draft of THE NEW TESTAMENT and I’ve got notes for THE APOCRYPHA.”

“That could work, but let’s see how the first one sells. Frankly, it needs reformation— I mean revision. Genesis, for example, has too much crammed into it. Good stuff, but You need to learn where to cut. For example, I took out the creation of the star-nosed moles. Too unbelievable. So are the star-nosed moles, for that matter. And I also cut your Sunday nap—TMI.

“Exodus, now. The title has to go; Leon Uris threatened to sue. The story is great, though. In fact, I’ve put out feelers to Hollywood, and Heston is definitely interested.

“You need to drop Leviticus. BO-ring! And—“

At this point Evil Editor observed a small, dark, lightning-filled cloud hovering over his head.

He rose. “Well, look over my revisions and get back to me. Sorry, but my next appointment is due. It was a privilege to meet You, Adonai. “

As he ushered the Supreme Being out, EE noticed a pillar of salt with very familiar features in the corridor.

Well, I’ll be able to have a nap, he thought. I won’t be critiquing the new Dan Brown MS after all.

---tal