Book Pitch 7

"All right, folks, make it snappy. I have a date in twenty minutes with a chick named Sloane, and she promises there'll be cake. First!"

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was --"

"How long does that sentence go on for? Criminy, learn what a period is. Next!"

"It is a truth universally acknowledged --"

"Yawnola! Start with an explosion. Next!"

"Once upon a time and a very good time it was there was a moocow coming down along the road --"

"I don't handle kid stuff. Next!"

"While the present century was in its teens --"

"Don't touch YA, either. Man, this batch is the pits. NEXT!"

"This is the story of what a Woman's patience can endure, and what a Man's resolution can achieve."

"If I want resolution I'll hire a graphics designer. Next!"

"Now, what I want is Facts."

"Weren't you in here before? What *I* want now is a bourbon sour, and none of those frou-frou maraschino cherries. Next!"

"I first met Dean not long after my wife and I split up."

"Oh, how very clever – no, not the sentence; the fact that my ex-wife is hiring starving writers so she can twist the knife a little more! Tell her if I hear one more word about that yacht, I'm delivering it in a matchbox. All right, last pitch. This had better be good."

"It was a dark and stormy night –"

"Whoa Nellie! That's brilliant! Get Random House on the phone! If this doesn't get a seven-figure floor bid, I'll eat my hat!"

- Tracey S. Rosenberg