Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Guess the Plot
1. Baylie Richards has trained as an ice skater since she was five. With the junior nationals approaching, she desperately wants to bring some new style to the competition. Can she convince her coach to let her perform to "Hollaback Girl"?
2. When the partially eaten body of celebrity photographer Marc Austin is discovered in Griffith Park, homicide detective Zack Martinez knows two things: the cougars who stalked the handsome Austin aren't the type with fangs and claws; and he'd better not forget his son's birthday at the zoo on Wednesday.
3. In the high stakes world of celebrity photo-stalking, Flick was the best around. When he catches starlet Lola Linguard in a compromising position, he knows he's hit paydirt. But after she begs him not to publish the photos, he begins to wonder--is the money worth destroying someone's life?
4. All Bart wanted was a wife and family and a happy life in the country. Instead he's stuck in a studio apartment in New York City, and he can't stop flashing people at the corner bar. When he's arrested, he meets a beautiful cop, and they fall in love. She makes Bart promise: no more exhibitionism, or they're finished. Can Bart stop himself, or will their relationship be over in a . . . Flash?
5. Red Spandex grows old on a superhero after a while. Especially when the red fades in the wash and you're a winter person with brown eyes that clash with red. The Superhero spandex fashion world is just so unfair to guys with olive complexions and an above-average package.
6. Kidnapped by thugs from a major industrial corporation, Sarah Johnson is ordered to help them by using her ability to see flashes of the future--or she'll face brutal consequences. Things get complicated when she finds herself falling in love with one of her captors.
(Personalized info here) I hope you'll be interested in my 76,000 word YA novel Flash.
You'd think a girl who can see the future would be able to [could] avoid being kidnapped. But eighteen-year-old Sarah Johnson hates her flashes--painful glimpses of what's coming triggered by trauma or touch--and is trying desperately to suppress them. [Painful because they show bad news, or physically painful?] [What do you mean, triggered by touch? Touching people? Objects? Men's underwear? Is this like when I touch a Cheesecake Factory menu and get a painful glimpse of the heartburn I'll be suffering in a few hours?]
However, when she is recruited at gunpoint by Keane Industries, she has to figure out how to use her flashes for their benefit or face the brutal consequences. [What does Keane Industries do? Manufacture torture equipment? What are the brutal consequences?] Imprisoned in a secluded house, she meets intelligent and caring Will. He's in charge of her development, but she's seen him before--every night in her dreams for the last three years. Devastated to finally find him under such horrible circumstances, Sarah is nonetheless drawn to him, unable to resist the love she knows she'll eventually feel for him.
But the trust she's slowly placing in Will shatters when she flashes on a cruel conversation between him and Phillip Keane, president of the company. [A cruel conversation? Are they discussing the most effective way to torture Sarah?
Keane: I need to know what our stock value will be next month.
Will: I had her touch a stock certificate, but all she flashed on was comfortable business shoes. I strapped her onto the rack and stretched her, but then she flashed on playing pro basketball.
Keane: Make her read the Wall Street Journal. Then--
Will: Hey, even I'm not that cruel.]
James, the gorgeous, charming, and calculating heir to Keane Industries is there, ready to sweep her away. [He's there in the flash, or he's there with her when she has the flash?] [Sweep her away meaning rescue her from her captives?] Her future hangs on one choice: accept James and her fate as the pawn of powerful men, or risk losing everything to find out if Will really is the man of her dreams. [What do you mean by "risk losing everything? If she's being held captive, how does she have options?]
My novellette, Tangle, was featured in the May 2008 issue of Leading Edge magazine, and I attended the BYU Writing for Young Readers conference in June of 2007. I would be happy to send you a partial or the full manuscript of Flash. Thank you so much for your time.
Does anything that happens in Sarah's flashes ever not happen in reality? If not, she should know Will is the man of her dreams.
What makes Keane Industries think they (or even Sarah) can exert control over Sarah's flashes?
I don't think it needs to be much longer to be made more specific. Instead of "trauma or touch," say "touching zombie meerkats." Instead of "the brutal consequences," say "Borgo the Disemboweler." Instead of "her development" say "training her to control her flashes." Instead of "a cruel conversation between him and Phillip Keane, president of the company," say Will and Phillip Keane, president of the company, laughing about what Borgo the Disemboweler will do to her." And be specific about her options. What is James offering, and what happens if she turns him down? Right now I think it's too general. I may have guessed wrong about your specifics, but any specifics will be more interesting than generalities.