Wednesday, July 02, 2008
Guess the Plot
1. Daniel, an albino midget with a speech impediment, and his beloved pet rat, Siatcha, adventure across the wilds of Ambrogia, meeting strange creatures and stranger people. When they befriend the Black Witch, she undoes an ancient curse, returning Siatcha to human form and allowing Daniel and Siatcha to finally enjoy each other's love.
2. Only the Siatcha can end the curse of the descending skin, but the Siatcha resides in the cannibalistic lands, and is himself cursed with the curse and has no intention of solving the curse. Which means the world will end. Unless . . .
3. Siatcha played Pelé in an old-timers' one-on-one charity soccer match. When Siatcha elbowed Pelé in the eye, the crowd moaned, but thought it an accident. After two more "accidents," and Siatcha kicking Pelé where the sun don't shine, the crowd stormed the field. Will Brazil and Argentina go to war?
4. When Siatcha winds up in a mental ward after a suicide attempt, she meets a mysterious songwriter who turns out to be Sondheim's bastard son. After a lifetime enduring endless jokes about her odd name, now her name is the beloved title of Sondheim's new play, Gotcha Siatcha. Suddenly life isn't so bad after all. Also, a deranged bartender.
5. Buck Carson rides into Siatcha on a rented mule and announces he's the new law in Western Alberta, CA. Can Earnest Evergood, the newest Mountie, wrangle his posse and save the town of Flintwhistle?
6. Lily always wanted to be a writer, but was too shy to submit. Her roommate Siatcha submits one of her manuscripts without telling Lily. Before she knows it her book is being represented by powerhouse agent Polly Trautwein. How can she pay Siatcha back, when she's just murdered her?
Dear Perfect Agent,
Minya lived the choice life as a child of the Godking, first king of the god-like Choseli. [This is one of those first-sentence rejects for EE, even though it's not full of errors. Other editors might read on.] But when a strange cursed skin begins to descend upon the Choseli, [A skin? Descends on them? Now you've lost the rest of us.] causing them to either go mad and kill others or kill themselves, Minya's perfect world is shattered. The curse won't disappear, [Actually the Curse will disappear when Minya's about fifty, but by then she'll have killed many people.] and if one kills a Cursed, he'll get the curse and instantly go mad and kill others. The only way to stop the killing was through suicide. With Minya's brother already dead and her father next, she would sacrifice anything to keep the last of her family [Herself.] alive.
So when a rumored cure called the Siatcha is said to reside in the cannibalistic lands of the Ryakes, Minya defies reason and races to get it. But Minya doesn't find a magical object as she had expected. Instead, she finds the Siatcha to be a man named Jaden, [How does Minya know Jaden is the Siatcha?] cursed with the same curse, and who has no intention of solving the curse. [This is a gag query, right?]
Jaden is running from a past he wishes never existed, trying to find the one woman he had lost. All Jaden wants is a happy ending, but the Choseli require him dead, the Ryakes desperately want him back, [Of course they want him back; Jaden was on tonight's menu.] and the humans need his help. It's only the curse that keeps them all at bay.
Minya, torn between saving her father and helping the tortured man she's begun to know, realizes that Jaden is the key to everyone's dreams, but she wants his dreams to come true, too. Yet every day, the curse drives Jaden closer and closer to madness, and if he ever lost control, not only would he lose his last hope, but the world would end. [The world would end? Why?]
Siatcha is a 110,000 word YA fantasy novel. I currently reside in the USA, but routinely live abroad because of work. This is my first novel and I'd be happy to send a partial or full manuscript at your request. Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you.
The solution is obvious. Round up all the Cursed and lock them in a building. Come back later and they'll all be dead. Except possibly one. If the last one doesn't commit suicide, someone kills him and then we wait and see if that guy commits suicide. Sooner or later the only Cursed still alive turns out to be one of the suicidal ones. Problem solved. Unless some more skin descends.
Do the Ryakes eat other Ryakes? What are Ryakes? I would think there'd be a lot of tension living in a cannibalistic society. You don't want to eat your best friend, but you're not sure he's got the same moral fiber you have. Especially when he shows up at your door wearing a bib and carrying a salt shaker.
Siatcha makes me think Sasquatch. Wait, Satchmo! Consider changing the title to Satchmo. You might get some extra sales from jazz fans.
You could call the book Jaden or call Jaden "Siatcha."
If the Choseli want Jaden dead, and they're truly god-like, why don't they kill him? You didn't see Zeus or Thor sitting on their hands wishing someone would die of old age. Gods take action.
Cannibal 1: I hate my sister-in-law.
Cannibal 2: So try the asparagus.
Start over from scratch. Send us what you come up with after hearing the minions' advice.