Sunday, July 13, 2008

Horror Story 13

The room smelt of death.

'Mighta' been nice if he'd cleaned up some time,' Sergeant Throsby said through his finger-pinched nose.

'I doubt that the stench of decomposition was something he felt able to deal with,' said Detective Simms. 'Seeing as he was causing it himself.'

A letter lay by the corpse's pale, open hand. Simms picked it up with tweezers and squinted at it. "'Dear Evil Editor,' Not a suicide note then." Simms read on, silently.

'Dear Evil Editor

Do not read to the end of this letter. If you do, you will die.

Why, then, am I sending it to you?

I am anonymous minion 3:11. That's right, don't remember me, do you? New Beginning # 635, Face Lift #597, Cartoon #7589. Perhaps you remember me now. You said your blue ink ran out half way through my New Beginning, because you needed to use so much of it. You said my Face Lift didn't need a face lift, but a transplant. You said you only posted my cartoon as an example of how not to do it.

Do not read to the end of this letter. You'll notice the red ink. Is it becoming clear to you now? Yes, this is a zombie letter.

If you read any further, you will...'

Simms crashed to the floor.

'Shit!' Throsby abandoned his nose to fall to his knees and start CPR, gagging on the stink of rotting editorial corpse as he pounded at his colleague's chest. Twenty minutes later he sat back on his haunches, breathing heavily. 'Fuck.' The letter lay by Simm's open hand and Throsby picked it up.

'Dear Evil Editor

Do not read to the end of this letter...'



Sarah Laurenson said...

OMG. It's never ending! LOL

Dave F. said...

Very funny. Word that kill!

#13 on the 13th, how lucky.

fairyhedgehog said...

Oh I love this zombie letter. I enjoyed this.

Anonymous said...

I love the smell of zombies on a Sunday morning!! Funny and twisted!


freddie said...

Hah. Anon revenge. This is great!

WouldBe said...

Very cool. It reminds me of Monty Python's deadly joke.

Robin S. said...

EE, you'd better be a nice boy, now. Too many stinky blue comments, and you'd better not be opening any anonymous letters.

A very good one, McK!

wendy said...

This is awesome!

ril said...

Oh, very well done. A true tale from the crypt with the pre-requisite dumb country coppers.

And you said "smelt"! British spellers untie!

ChrisEldin said...

Mckoala, You rock!!!
This is clever on so many levels!!!

Kiersten said...

So fun. Chain letters made me so nervous when I was little. Apparently with good reason.