Sunday, July 13, 2008

Horror Story 4

Exhausted, Evil Editor stomped through the swamp. He had a stitch in his side, he was covered in slime, and he’d lost a shoe—but at least he was escaping. He could make it to safety before the moles baying in the distance could overtake him.

The little bastards may be smart, but at least I have longer legs, he thought. He had been a fool to ignore the warnings of the locals, but how was he to know that Talpianna lived in the brooding castle atop the cliff? He had been bending to sniff a meadow violet when the star-nosed snout had exploded from the ground and its tendrils had grasped his nostrils. He’d had to beat the creature into insensibility with his shillelagh before he could wrench free.

But the shillelagh had not served him against the horde of moles which had emerged while he struggled with his attacker. He needed something more powerful: a bullwhip, or a fire hose, or a tactical nuclear weapon. At last good sense had overcome his desire to be heroic (ever feeble) and he had taken to his heels. Unfortunately, the quickest route to his rented holiday chalet led directly through the swamp which the locals called the Mouldiwarp Marsh; they actually thought of it as the Slough of Despond, but they had never been able to figure out how to pronounce “slough.”)

At last, he reached the chalet, the moles faint but pursuing. He slammed the door and triple-locked it. By the glimmer of candlelight, he located the longest of the fireplace logs and used it to brace the door.

Candlelight? He hadn't left any candles lit!

Then the chittering began, and he turned to see that what he’d mistaken for candle flames were the burning foxfire eyes of zombie meerkats….

--who but tal?

11 comments:

Dave F. said...

What did the Zombie Meerkats say - - brains, brains, brains... not big ones, but tiny ones!

I really liked: beat the creature into insensibility with his shillelagh

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the romp with Evil this am, Tal!! Love your asides, and the bit about "slough" is something I find Xtra funny!!!

ME
(who would never think of having her distinctive birthmark mole surgically removed)

fairyhedgehog said...

Oh my word, moles AND zombie meerkats. Oh, and I liked the Slough of Despond.

freddie said...

Oh dear. It never seems to end for EE.

WouldBe said...

Birds! Birds, they're everywhere with their claws! Very Hitchcockian. I might have made this change: He had been bending to snuff out a meadow violet when...

Bill H.

ril said...

Unique and chilling. Well done, Hubert Tal.

wendy said...

Nuclear weapons and moles - now there's something you don't see every day. And I have to admit; I'm starting to get into this mole thing.

talpianna said...

and I liked the Slough of Despond.

John Bunyan and I thank you.

Kiersten said...

"...they actually thought of it as the Slough of Despond, but they had never been able to figure out how to pronounce 'slough.'"

This line made me laugh. Great work, Tal. Although come to think of it, I don't think anyone has killed EE off (or at least put him in immediate mortal peril) as many times as you...

AR said...

This is my favorite.

talpianna said...

Wendy: As ME pointed out, moles tend to grow on you...