P: My novel is about God, and--
E: Wait. God? I don't do inspirational.
P: What? Neither do I. Those things are like religious bubble gum. All "aren’t we lovely" and angels fixing people's problems out of the blue. That's not God. God's way too important to be saving some alcoholic father just in time for little Daisy's birthday. Barf city. Besides, angels are too interested in fantasy baseball to screw around with the little people.
E: OK. Go on.
P: Right. So, everyone knows about Adam and Eve--
E: You mean like from the Bible?
E: This is a Genesis remake?
P: No, it's--
E: You won't get far with a Genesis remake. At least change the character names. Maybe spell them backwards.
P: Eve spelled backwards is still Eve.
E: Really? Creepy!
P: Please, I only have three minutes. Forget Adam and Eve.
E: OK, OK, go on.
P: The book is about God--
E: We've established that.
P: --and what He might do differently if He had it to do all over again.
E: That's it?
P: Well, yes.
E: It's just God sitting around regretting all His mistakes?
P: Well, I wouldn't put it that--
E: Oh, wait. Oh, ho, ho, ho. This isn't even your novel, is it?
P: What? Of course it is.
E: No, I see this too often.
P: I don't understand.
E: You're just here because God is "too important" to come to a writer's conference himself. I bet he hasn't even written the first draft yet.
E: I knew it! I hate assholes who send their lackeys to see if their idea just might possibly sell.
P: Look, OK, God did ask me to come and get feedback on his idea.
P: No, what?
E: No, I don't do memoir.
P: But this is God!
E: I don't do memoir.
P: I might convince him to throw in a vampire.
E: Here's my card. Send a query and the first three chapters.