Sunday, August 31, 2008

Bad Analogies, Final Batch

He was on her like a hobo on a ham sandwich. --Robin Jr.

She looked like a run-on sentence type of girl, like someone who never knew that even compound sentences lose their effect when used too often, and that you really can use too many commas, because even if you have discovered the glory of the semi-colon, people can only focus on one sentence for so long before losing interest; it's too much to ask for them to keep up with the stream of thoughts, and that was exactly the kind of thing you expected when she opened her mouth: it would be exhausting, and you would be left unsure of what she had even said, or how she managed to say it all in a single breath. --Kiersten

She felt used and forgotten, like the last sliver of soap that falls into the corner of the shower, except she didn't have someone else's pubes stuck to her, at least not at the moment. --blogless

Cut the end off a bean burrito, and then squeeze the middle really hard so the beans spurt out the open end, and you'll have an idea what it was like when Max Lugar had the runs. --EE

My knowledge of distinctions between analogies, metaphors and similes is comparable to my wife’s understanding of north, south, east and west. --luke

The man guarding the door looked like an ox — only with two legs rather than four, considerably less hair, a broadly vertical posture, feet and hands instead of hooves, just the one stomach, eyes that looked broadly forwards, no tail, no hope of producing offspring via sexual encounters with a female ox, no experience of pulling carts or farmyard machinery through the mud with ropes yoked to his back and a culinary repertoire embracing a more diverse range of subsistence foods than grass, dried protein pellets and the occasional turd consumed in error. --Whirl

The bird flew across the sky, occasionally diving like a plane full of people stuck in turbulence. --Shell I

Understanding women is like opening a can of lima bean soup; you're not sure you want to. --Bill H.

He was lost, like an organ grinder's monkey whose organ grinder is passed out drunk in the gutter. --stick and move

Like the pang in the belly that tells you that the cancer has recurred; like the dagger in your best friend’s hand as he approaches you in the Forum; like the kiss of betrayal—that’s what it’s like to see your New Beginning on Evil Editor’s blog. --tal

8 comments:

Dave F. said...

"comparable to my wife’s understanding of north, south, east and west."

Yes, but your wife was smart enough to invent GPS and Garmin and Tom Tom and all those things.

writtenwyrdd said...

These are all funny like the bright red ass of the baboon is funny to the females when they aren't the least bit interested. Yeah, like that...only better.

danceluvr said...

OMG! Evil, eww!

austexgrl said...

No!!

austexgrl said...

NO!! This is like what David Bowie once sang...."This is not America!"

Robin S. said...

Kiersten and Whirl and the on and ons. Great stuff!

freddie said...

Does Bill H. have some trouble understanding women, I wonder?

There were some gross ones in this, but all were fun!

GutterBall said...

These are awesome! Why, oh why didn't I check EE's blog LAST week??