Sunday, August 24, 2008

Truth Serum 11

I poured us each a glass of water. "So, you want to pitch a novel," I said. "Let's hear it."

She glanced at the wall behind my desk. "Who's in the photo?"

I looked behind me. "Ah. That's me and J.D. Salinger. We were drinking buddies until he went nuts. On the wall behind you is a photo of me and Grisham."

She took a look. "I don't see Grisham."

"I cropped him out."

We drank some water. She stared at me. At the rate this was going her pitch session would be over before it started. Which was fine with me.

Finally she said, "I can't quite make out the words on those diplomas behind you.

"Diplomas?" I said. "Ah, you mean my master plumber certification and my fishing license."

"You're a plumber? I paid $700 to attend this conference, just to pitch you."

"I'm not even a very good plumber. I'm too big to fit under a sink."

"Enough," she said. "I want to know your real name, and everything about you. And you're gonna tell me because what you don't know is that while you were looking at your Salinger photo I slipped truth serum into your water. And once you tell me who you are, I'll tell the world. The world!"

"Nice try, kid," I told her, "but what you don't know is that while you were looking at my Grisham photo, I switched our glasses."

She glared at me. Then she said, "My God, you're handsome."

--Evil Editor


Luke S. said...

Laughed out loud.


fairyhedgehog said...


Julie Weathers said...

EE, ok that made me laugh. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I am alone so no one thinks I have gone off the deep end.

Dave F. said...

Plumber's humor. A crack in the facade! Lots of fun.

WouldBe said...

Good one. I am a little disheartened that you'd take advantage of a girl with serum of any kind; however, plumbers do have an expressive vocabulary (mostly from smashing their fingers, a lot), which is good training for this blog, though most of the words start with g, d, m, or f.

Whirlochre said...

The punchline is brilliantly timed and the brushing out of Grisham, a treat.

Anonymous said...

"My God, you're handsome."

And you didn't even have to shape-shift!!! Good stuff!


freddie said...

Perfect. The punchline made me laugh out loud.

McKoala said...

LOL the ending!

Dave F. said...

There was an article in something scientific in the past week that reported that they actually proved that "beer goggles" improve the looks of everyone, male, female, friend, foe, and I shudder to think, maybe even barn animals.

So late at night, in a bar, after a few beers,
we all look good - - - -
- - - -
(Whoa baby, I might have nightmares tonight)

ril said...

The world is not ready for such a truth. Very funny!

Sarah Laurenson said...

Beauty of an ending! LOL

Wes said...

Delightful!!!!!!! I love the part about cropping out Grisham.