Sunday, August 24, 2008

Truth Serum 5

He took the same booth every day, ordered the same latte everyday, and I was onto him. I was positive that the mutton-chopped curmudgeon with the swivel-topped notebook was none other than “Evil Editor”, world-renown author and editor nonpareil. But I wanted to know who he really was. After weeks of malice aforethought, I summoned the courage to pour a scant spoonful of truth serum into his brew.

“EE, lately you’ve been killing your minions and loyal fans with diabolically funny graphics and charts,” I said, casually stopping by to see if the serum was taking effect yet. “But is your razor-sharp humor just a mask for deeper sadness? And are you willing to reveal which of the 500 plus Face-Lifts are yours? By number?”

“You’re right, there has been such sharpness to my wit of late, it borders on lethal. But it’s all a sham, a diversionary tactic. Avoidance! I don’t know why you insist on dragging this out of me now, but if you must know —”

Suddenly, an over-sized mole appeared at our table, hitched to a small wagon in which there was covered dish. The stout editor bent sidewise to retrieve the mystery entrée while the strange creature and conveyance disappeared into thin air. I began to wonder if I too were under the effects of a mind-altering drug.

I watched, mouth agape, as Evil revealed a plate of steaming brains. I’d never seen such a thing in any Starbucks, anywhere! I almost gagged as he scooped up a spoonful and slipped the quivering mass into the forest of whiskers surrounding his mouth. And in that blink of an eye, he shape-shifted: what was once a plump and whiskered evil editor became a muscular, tanned metro-sexual of as yet unknown profession. “Ah! Baked minion brain, just as I ordered!” he said with a wink. “Did you know it is the perfect antidote to truth serum?”

Before I fell away into a dead faint, I realized that the brains consumed with such relish by the evil master were my very own!

--Meri

9 comments:

Whirlochre said...

Scrummy.

Dave F. said...

Well that just put me off lunch. Very squicky. Good work.

WouldBe said...

There's a plague of moles here today. Good one.

Bill H.

Wonderwood said...

Wow, that was a twist like, well, it was like losing your wallet and then finding it with all the money still there but your driver's license and Social Security card are missing along with your credit cards and you know your identity has been stolen. Only worse.

freddie said...

Where's my fork?

Good work, Meri. Hope we hear more from you!

McKoala said...

Eww, eww, eww. But funny.

talpianna said...

We creep in everywhere....

I was about to have dinner, but I think I'll wait a while.

Thanks for the Meri-ment!

ril said...

Steaming brains in Starbucks. I'm not at all surprised.

Well done.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Loved this, Meri!