Sunday, September 14, 2008

Pedicure 7

I smiled pleasantly at the mutton-chopped man sitting in the chair in front of me. To be honest, guys getting pedicures always creep me out a bit, but hey, a tip’s a tip. So, smiling a little bigger, I looked down at his feet.

“What the…” Glad I was wearing gloves, I reached forward and pulled something from between his toes. “Sir, is this—is this a letter from a keyboard?”

He glanced down. “Oh, yeah. I’ve been looking for X.”

Usually I try not to ask questions about what I find between people’s toes, but I just had to. “How did it get stuck there?”

He leaned back, motioning me to start the soak. “Well, I was always telling writers that a monkey with a keyboard could write a better novel. Then I was fighting with Grisham, that old idiot, and I told him I could probably hack out a better novel typing blindly with my toes. Last weekend Top Chef was reruns, so I decided to do just that.”

“You wrote a novel with your toes?”

He laughed. “Yeah. Turns out I was right—just sold it at auction in a three book deal.”

Shocked, I started trimming. It wasn’t pretty.

“Hey, watch it!” he grumbled. “Random House just insured these toes for three million. As a matter of fact…” he said, pausing thoughtfully, “writing that novel was a lot of work. Have you ever considered a career in insurance fraud?”

“Will I have to look at your feet again?”


I thought about it for a minute. “Do I have to read the novel?”

“Of course.”

I sighed. “Nevermind then. Just don’t stiff me on the tip,” I said, as I offered him a choice between clear and buff polish.



Sarah Laurenson said...


Nice one, K! Love the lady or the tiger choice.

Julie Weathers said...

Miss K, you always make me smile.

writtenwyrdd said...


Dave F. said...

You wrote a novel with your toes? - - worth the price of admission! Is there video?

WouldBe said...

X-ceptional, Kiersten.

kaolin fire said...

Ever so strange :)

Whirlochre said...

Remind me to sue you for loss of face.

Kiersten said...

Ummm, what? Loss of face? And when does anyone ever remind someone to sue them?

Also, my attorney's hotter than yours is.