And finally, dear friends, as proof that religion does not inevitably lead to nobility of soul and purity of motive—and that not all piratical communication involves such terms as “Aaargh!” and “Me hearties!” and “Yo! Ho! Ho!”—let me quote from one of the most distinguished, indeed, notorious, clergymen of Colonial American times:
There be now at sea a ship called Welcome, which has on board 100 or more of the heretics and malignants called Quakers, with W. Penn, who is the chief scamp, at the head of them. The General Court has accordingly given sacred orders to Master Malachi Huscott, of the brig Porpoise, to waylay the said Welcome slyly as near the Cape of Cod as may be, and make captive the said Penn and his ungodly crew, so that the Lord may be glorified and not mocked on the soil of this new country with the heathen worship of these people. Much spoil can be made of selling the whole lot to Barbadoes, where slaves fetch good prices in rum and sugar and we shall not only do the Lord great good by punishing the wicked, but we shall make great good for His minister and people.
Yours in the bowels of Christ,
--Quoted by tal from Richard Mitchell, The Underground Grammarian