Sunday, September 21, 2008

Pirate-Speak Eulogy 5

The mutton-chopped old man stepped on the dais and cleared his throat. He glanced at the prepared eulogy waiting for him on the lectern.

“What the…” he muttered. “Arr, this here be codswallop,” He picked up the speech and flung it into the room. “The scurvy dog that thought me read this bilge need be keelhauled.” The man who calls himself Evil Editor glared at the room full of mourners. “Jack were me bucko’ an’ he be the worst scallywag that me e’er know. He be known fer fightin’ sprogs an’ shirkin’ his duties. He be the best in pillagin’ an’ wenchin’ an’ drinkin’, a fine matey.

Gasps arose from the attendees, a elderly lady fainted. Finally, two men rose and rushed the deranged speaker.

“Get him out of here.” Someone screamed

A tall, young women stood, “Belay that.”

Mouths gaped as the mourners turned to her.

“Release the scoundrel I say.” She said

“Victoria what’s gotten into to you?” the black veiled widow said. “Why are you speaking like that Disney film?”

Victoria turned to EE, “Thank-ye, fer gi’in’ me da a proper sendoff. Me step-ma ne’er understood why me da wanted this here memorial on September 19th. She not believe that da were a gentleman o’ fortune.”

--CEB

3 comments:

Dave F. said...

That's a nice tiny story. Interesting.
Who wrote it BTW?

Anonymous said...

Thanks Dave

Author here, I have written a few of these exercises over the last few months and have always appreciated you comments. Although I’ve written as anon I have never commented as anon. Since I now plan to put in my two cents, I’ll give myself a moniker

-CEB

WouldBe said...

Dang blogger. This might be a duplicate.

I especially liked the last paragraph. It reminded me of a novel I read a few months ago...Burning Bright, set in the 1780s in the outskirts of London. The dialog was very similar.

--Bill H.