Sunday, September 28, 2008

Talking Dog 1

Never-Ending Dog Story

“This is great, a talking dog,” said Evil, thinking he'd get a novel or two out of the mutt. Then he realized...talking dog...cliché. He looked at Grisham. “You've got no reason to pee on the slush pile again. Just let me know, okay?”

“Food...food...bitch next door. Food.”

“Yeah, yeah. Forget the dog next door. She's a teacup chihuahua. You're a lab.”

“Food...food...crumbs by your feet. Lick myself. Bitch next door. Food.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Pee.”

“Great, you're learning,” said Evil. “Damn--”

“Too late.” Grisham sniffed the couch and drove his head under the cushions. “Crumb. Funny smell. Food. Bitch next door. Lick myself. Food.”

Literary ending: “Well...you don't dangle your participles, at least...you apparently don't use them.”

Horror ending: “I'm getting you fixed if you pee on the floor or mention that bitch again.”

Romance ending: “If I introduce you to the bitch next door would you introduce me to the hot babe who owns her?”

Erotica ending: The bitch next door nosed open the front door....

SF ending: “Hey! What's that pod on your neck?”

Western ending: “Come on, doggie, let's rustle us up some chow and go walkies into the sunset.”

Fantasy ending: A mage, an elf and a dwarf with longbows entered the room. End, Vol. 1.

Historical fiction ending: Richard Nixon entered the room. “Checkers! So there you are. Come home to daddy.”

Humor ending: (Sorry, I couldn't think of one.)

--Bill H.

8 comments:

Kiersten said...

Ha! Choose your own ending. That's great, Bill.

Anonymous said...

Humor ending: (Sorry, I couldn't think of one.)


Not true! Seems you captured the essence of dog-dom succinctly:

“Food...food...crumbs by your feet. Lick myself. Bitch next door. Food.”


LOL and thank you, Bill H.!

Meri

ChrisEldin said...

This is very very good! I haven't read these exercises in a while (hell, haven't written one in an even longer while and probably won't be now that EE has me addicted to Gizmo, but enough about me and on to your bitch)

Loved your concept of multiple endings. Variety is nice.
:-)

Dave F. said...

good work. I read this to my friends and we had a good laugh.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Pick your story or all stories. Very nice. Love the dog's dialogue. It's so realistic.

talpianna said...

Bill, I'm still in love with you.

But what about the detective-story ending?

"Evil, they were the footprints of a gigantic hound!"

Whirlochre said...

Not sure why, but I liked the Nixon ending best.

fairyhedgehog said...

I loved the realistic dog talk and the multiple endings. This was very funny.