Sunday, September 28, 2008

Talking Dog 4

The Tale of the Dog

“What do you guys want, and who are you anyway?”

“I’m Sethra, and this is my sister Aliera, and this is my other sister Aliera. I want tuna.”

“Shut up, Sethra. There’s only one of me. And I want what any cat wants—to rule the world. Who are you, dog?”

“My name is Grisham, and I like to cause trouble.”

“Want to come with us? We’re going to catch moles and---oooh, shiny!”

“Shut up, Sethra. Hey, Grisham, I know where we can steal some cheeseburgers. Interested?”

“Sure. Just lead the way.”

“Does this mean no tuna?”

“Shut up, Sethra!”

“Here we are. I saw Evil Editor laying out the patties of meat on the kitchen table. I’ll go in the window and grab them, then toss them one by one to Sethra, who will be sitting on the windowsill; she’ll toss them down to you, Grisham. You carry them off, and we’ll hide and have a feast. Got it?”

“Got it. Let’s lock and load.”

A short while later:

“YOU DUMB, STUPID CATS! I ate them all. Now you've got nothing and you’ll get caught! Bye-bye, losers!”

“DAMMIT! What happened to the poisoned hamburger I was going to use for mole bait? That rotten mutt Grisham again, I suppose. Hey, there are a couple of cats snoozing on the windowsill. Could they—nah, if they were guilty they'd have run off. Maybe if I feed them, they'll stick around and catch those damned moles for me.

“Nice kitties—have some tuna.”

“Oh, good! Tuna! Just what I always wanted.”

“Shut up, Sethra!”



writtenwyrdd said...

I love this one! But I seem to recall Sethra being told to shut up in some other offering on this blog. Was it an opening or something else?

WouldBe said...

Do I detect a slight preference for felines over canines? Nahhhh!

Bill H.

Anonymous said...

Funny and lyrical! A lovely addition to the Evil/Grisham/Mole mythology!


Sarah Laurenson said...

And now it's Grisham's turn to bite the dust. I wonder if EE feels left out.

Nice work, tal.

Dave F. said...

I've said before and I'll say again - the only good cat is a stuffed cat.

talpianna said...

WW, it was the talking-animal writing exercise. While Aliera is possessed of considerable animal cunning, Sethra has only two functioning brain cells. This doesn't prevent her from talking all the time, as she's half Siamese.

Dave, Sethra can be very endearing when she's stuffed with tuna.

writtenwyrdd said...

Any cat can be entertaining when it's stuffed with tuna. Or catnip. My cat Morgan was particularly amusing when she started on a dose of Valium, though. Yay drugs!

Whirlochre said...

The only thing worse than feeding a cat tuna is feeding it salmon. Or one of those small ornamental dogs favoured by a certain type of effeminate ubervillain.