Sunday, October 05, 2008

Interrogation 6

“No no, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like that, I swear to you it wasn’t. Just ask him,” I said to the guy, this one big cop with a gargantuan pork belly hanging down over his pants.

“Well, I would ask him, ma’am, but ya see,” Porky said, hitching up his britches,

“ya see [we in the South repeat ourselves with regularity, ya see], there’s the little problem of the victim bein’ speechless at the present time.” Porky grinned a big wide smartass grin, then, and, using his tongue, swished his toothpick over to the other side of his wide wet mouth. Eyeing me up, he reached around close, tightening the handcuffs on my wrists. “And just about DAY-ud. Ma’am.”

“I’m telling you, I wasn’t trying to kill him. Just the opposite, actually…” I said, and I was gonna say more, as I usually do, but…

“Well, then, lady, tell me then, tell me: why’d that guy in the next hoe-tel room over from you all hear that man cryin’ out for mercy? Why’d that guy hear the

victim screamin’ You’re killin’ me you’re killin’ me, huh? WHY?” Porky screamed, leaning right down in my face, the spittle from his rage spraying out like living breathing BBs from all around his nasty toothpick.

I thought about asking him if he’d ever had a…hmmmm, er, a thing so good he could barely stand it. And then, my temper simmering up inside me, preparing to boil, I thought about asking The Porkster how many years it’d been since anybody’d even been able to find anything worth playing with inside his panties, lost as it was in that Michelin Man flesh of his…

Just then, I heard the hotel room door open behind us. “Handcuffs?? Yessssss!” Sparky hollered out all wild-eyed, wearing only his T-shirt and dragging his IV. The medic stood behind him, laughing his ass off as Sparky grabbed me by the wrists.

“I note there’s a police officer with you, darling.” He paused. “But I have to say, I find threesomes a bit cliche.”

--Robin S.


Luke S. said...

Nothing like a little mild S & M to brighten one's Sunday morning! Good close on this one Robin.

Dave F. said...

Oh my stars. That's, that's, that's so - oh my {Deity!}, good, in the creepiest sort of way. I definitely need a shower after that.
It's a classic. Funny, funny stuff.

Robin S. said...

This one was good fun to write.

There were inspiration(s):

First - there's Sparky, of course.

Second - there's my husband, who emailed me from the tarmac yesterday morning just before takeoff to Singapore for a week, with his ass firmly planted in first class, where he thought it would be funny, somehow, to tell me what he and his friend (Paul? Joe? I can't remember...) would be having... Pan seared filet mignon with bacon, crumbled blue cheese, amd green peppercorn sauce, roasted fingerling potatos and sauted summer vegetables followed by .........., and then, when I told HRH-of-our-household I was having leftover spaghetti out of the fridge, he joked me and Blackberried this message: As it should be.

Uh huh.

Hence the Spark-filled fun.

What's your all's good excuse?

Whirlochre said...

This tickled my fancy and fancied my tickle at one and the same time.

Great belly jokes.

Anonymous said...

LoL and lurved the sou'thern accents! Thanks Rob!


WouldBe said...

This was very funny. But I'll have to comment anew if we ever find out EE and robin s. are one in the same.

ChrisEldin said...

Robin, this is very good.

But you know I'm watching you.

ril said...


But I feel I need a shower...