"If only I could turn slush into food," thought Ces Wraven, then I could restore the resale value of my house and help the hungry. He looked at the slush pile in his nextdoor neighbor's backyard and shuddered. He went to his arcane library and searched out the writings of ancient alchemists. Then he cried, 'Alas!' after reading the Annals of Gilgamesh. The secret was in melding two parts man and one part evil. And so he made a sluice and mixed two parts slush and one part mole sauce (not the Mexican one, which goes better with chicken than slush).
Ces was too wise to try out the mixture on himself, so he invited his other neighbor, Baberienne Arbeau, over for dinner. He plated her a serving of slush-mole. It reeked of genre madness and mole entrails, but she dipped her little finger into the brew and tasted it.
"I'm up here," she said, as Ces was preoccupied elsewhere.
He looked at her as she transformed. She hurled herself into the sluice and was soon covered with slush-mole. She ran out of the house screaming and soon was upon the source of madness, the slush pile next door. She butted down Evil Editor's door with her head. There were minions there, too. Baberienne grabbed two minions by the neck and squeezed.
"Evil, there is but one cure for my madness...an acceptance letter for my trunk novel."
"Never!" said Evil Editor.
Baberienne squeezed tighter. "This minion is kind of cute." Baberienne thumped its nose. "Does it live or die, Evil?"
Evil thought long and hard. "It lives."
Baberienne dropped the minions to the floor, as Evil typed out an acceptance letter. "What's it called?"
"Dark and Stormy Night."
"Why does that not surprise me?"