Sunday, November 30, 2008

Letter to the Editor 5

Well, that was just great. Just great. Like I wanted to hear all about his bowel habits at the dinner table. Like I wanted to hear all about how the cranberries in the relish wormed their way through His Royal Hiney's intestinal tract. Sure I did. Sure…

And what the hell…who says they voided…voided…instead of simply saying they peed. Come to think of it, who the hell tells people about their pee habits, anyway? Then he did this faux eloquent waxing on and on about him 'voiding into the void' like he was some existential literary turkey or something. I mean, there I was, all rapt attention and all I got for it was a piss talk…

No, well, no, I didn't cook this year. He said he wanted to be taken out. Yeah. Out. So I took him out. Nice place. Overlooking the Potomac. Got a wonderful table by the window…blue skies…wonderful food…wonderful view…and what does he say? He says he can't see the Capitol Building and I'd said he'd have a wonderful view of the Capitol Building but there was a tree in the way and he was pissed off with the wrong kind of relish and no Capitol Building view…

And he chews with his mouth open. Oh yeah. He does.

Talked about himself the whole damn time, before, after and sometimes during each swallow.

And he hums to himself. Did you know that? No? I'm thinking he must work alone or something to get away with this crap.

Yeah, I know. I know. I always had a thing for the guy. You know I'm a sucker for a smartass with brains. But Good Lord. There'd have to be a Charm School for Aging Editors to change my mind back about that. When I think of all the wasted fantasy time…

All I know is…he was gonna have a nice, nice dessert, a nice tasty concoction, kind of a take on this drizzly banana thing I do. But I bought him a slice of nut pie instead.

--Robin

3 comments:

fairyhedgehog said...

"When I think of all the wasted fantasy time…"

Poor Robin, so disillusioned!

Very funny.

Anonymous said...

Oh, dear! You sound so, so broken. When you failed to do the "drizzly banana thing" I could tell you were serious. ;(

(Next week, be sure to kill him off in 300 words or less and I'm sure you'll feel better.) :)

Meri

Sarah Laurenson said...

Oh how the mighty have fallen.

LOL