Sunday, November 16, 2008

Uncooperative Agent 6

I’m sorry -- I’ve tried everyone. The market for this kind of thing has just dried up. This time last year, it--

Well, no, I didn’t try him, but there’s really not--

No, I know exactly what he goes for and--

No, really, he wouldn’t. I mean, he and I, well, you know, there’s some history, and--

Alright, I’ll call him already, just give me a second. Look: I’m dialing. Five, five, five… It’s ringing.

Yes, this is Angsty Agent called for Ev--

Yes, I’m aware of that, darlin’, now put me through, would ya?

She’s putting me through…

Hey, Evil, this is--

Really? Still sore, huh? Did you try rubbing it?

Yeah, I suppose that is kinda what started it… But listen, I--

No, no, this is business. My author here has--

No, not my only author, smartass. I have other authors, but not--

Okay, if you like: my author du jour. He’s got a--

Hey, lay off of the wisecracks. You’re the only one thinks you’re funny, you know…

They don’t count. If they had any class, they’d be reading-- Just a second…

Shush, I’m getting to it. I know how to handle this guy…

What?

Listen, dickwit, that was different; we’d both had a few, and--

I did not bend it the wrong way. Besides, you’re the one who suggested the butter curler.

Whatever. Listen, my client--

Yeah my client the author, what other kind of client--

Asshole!

Shush, I’m telling him.

My client the author has this exquisite literary-- Don’t hang up! No, it’s, uh, it’s about a pair of lesbian werewolves-- Just a second.

Just write a couple in. You want to sell this, right? Wait, I think he’s biting…

Sure, it’s got pictures--

Shush.

Yeah? Yeah. I thought you’d like it. I can have it to you this evening… Sure... Hey, asswipe, one more thing: Don’t forget to pick up some Chianti on the way home. Remember, we’re having the Grishams for dinner…

--ril

9 comments:

Sarah Laurenson said...

Lesbian werewolves with pictures! And having the Grishams for dinner? Priceless. Now is that as guests or as the main course?

It's so you, ril!

Dave F. said...

"Lesbian werewolves"Now that's a plot twist I didn't see coming. I like the way this builds and keeps raising the wildness index.

WouldBe said...

OMG, EE's a relative of B. Clinton.

Anonymous said...

This was really funny too, and I was still laughing over Sylvia's. At first I thought it might be Robin's, (the sex stuff!) but no, the voice was different. Well, done, ril. I don't even take offense at:

They don’t count. If they had any class, they’d be reading-- Just a second…

Meri

Julie Weathers said...

Ril, this was great. I love the back and forth of this and the ending was awesome.

talpianna said...

I did not bend it the wrong way. Besides, you’re the one who suggested the butter curler.

Whom do I write to about having Ril canonized?

Anonymous said...

Whom do I write to about having Ril canonized?

Here ya go...

fairyhedgehog said...

I giggled all the way through.

sylvia said...

Awesome! I totally didn't see the end coming although it was obvious in every line. I love this.