What could this be? Evil Editor thought. Too heavy to be a manuscript, thank God, and not quite heavy enough to be a severed head. It can't be from one of my minions. They don't know my address. Hell, they don't even suspect that I live in Botswana. Maybe it's a Chia pet. I should look into manufacturing Chia Evil Editor severed heads. My minions would probably shell out twenty bucks for one. Those idiots will buy anything. Maybe it's a big piece of meat, like a rump roast or a pork loin. Screw it, I'll donate it to the poor. Can't be anything I'd want.
Thus it was that an elderly gentleman, down on his luck and living in a homeless shelter, received his only Christmas gift: a Batman costume.