The Tell-Tale Part
True, horny, very horny I had been. And my lust was answered when I beheld the perfect breast of my beautiful Annabel Lee. Am I a stalker? A rejected suitor, obsessed with the object of his passions? Think I thou naught! For when I tell the tale, you will see how reasonable, how calm and rational all my actions have been in the face of the cruel beauty who mocked me and held me up for ridicule to all who came to the Dip Your Quill Club.
I began my campaign to win her heart with flowers and poetry, buying drinks, selling a little blood so I could stuff her g-string with tens instead of ones.
I stopped eating, so hat I might better purchase chocolates for my love, so found myself rather lightheaded the night she took me into her confidence and revealed that her perfect image had been captured in the pages of an exclusive aquatic journal, Muff Divers Internationale. T'was the 'e' she told me, that certified its artful and scientific nature.
Imagine then, my shock and horror when I eagerly sought out the journal for my own edification, and opened it, only to find out that my darling angel had been exploited to satisfy the lusts of louts everywhere. As I lay awake that night, journal clutched in one sweaty palm, my man-part in the other, contemplating the astounding number of fresh towels I had used that day - I heard the dear sweet voice of my Annabel call out to me softly. My man-part answered her back, and sweet was our pillow talk that night!
The next day, however, when I showed up at the Dip Your Quill to carry her off to our sweet lovers' nest, she acted as if she had no idea of that of which I was talking. Her face was cold and disdainful, but I remembered her words from the day, and afternoon, and evening, and night before, and I flung myself pitiously at her feet, screaming at the top of my lungs my undying love for her.
That's when Annabel called the bouncer, who administered a beating at once as humiliating and as painful as any I had ever endured. And as the Bedlam Wagon came for me, I unzipped my pants and held open my boxers, and screamed at my man part, "Nevermore!"