Evil Editor's office door whipped open then slammed shut so quickly, he almost missed it. He sat in his chair as he eyed the unannounced intruder suspiciously, wondering how anyone could move that swiftly. His mouth fell open in surprise when he recognized the man.
“Edward Cullen, pleased to meet you.”
Evil Editor stared at Edward for a few seconds before answering. “Nice to meet you too,” he said, though it sounded like a question. “What can I do for you?”
“I'd like to pitch my memoir. My life has been quite long, and I have some unbelievable stories that I think the world might like to know. The novel saga is over, and they could really use my memoir to help hype Twilight up again in time for the movie.”
“Why in time for the movie?”
“Well, we are hoping to get the preteen girls' attention back. The Jonas Brothers have some sort of weird monopoly on preteen girls' hero worship. Besides, the movie's going to suck, and not in the good way.”
Evil Editor broke the bad news to him kindly. “Actually, to even qualify for a memoir deal you have to be the character from a movie, technically you're from a novel. I'm afraid you aren't even eligible.”
“Oh no. Please, I'm sure there's something you can do,” he pleaded, his voice smooth like velvet. His eyes were golden honey, set in the cool, smooth marble of his face- his nose, his perfect jaw. His lips were---”
“All right,” Evil Editor held up his hand. “I get it. I'll consider your memoir, but only if you please, please leave right away.”
The door slammed shut behind Edward so quickly that a stack of papers swirled from the desk to the floor in his wake.