Book Scene 4

"Anyway," Evil Editor continued, "a couple months later I killed her by poisoning her prune danish. Luckily her husband took the fall and the company promoted me to top editor. And the rest is history."

The reporter looked stunned. "Uh, one more question, sir. What are your five favorite novels?"

"I assume you mean besides my own," EE replied. "Let's see, number 5: Bleak House, by Charles Dickens. The first murder mystery. Did you see the TV production, with Gillian Anderson? Some of the men had muttonchops out to here. That was a time when you judged a man by the manginess of his muttonchops.

"Then there's Crime and Punishment, by Dostoevsky. I didn't read it but I saw Crimes and Misdemeanors, by Woody Allen. It was pretty good, once I got over the fact that it wasn't funny.

"The Sun Also Rises. If Hemingway would have just shaved his chin like I kept telling him, you'd've seen some magnificent chops. Then maybe he wouldn't have had to kill himself.

"Number 2, To Kill a Mockingbird. Did you ever notice it was Finch they wanted to kill, not a mockingbird? Anyway, you can't go wrong with Gregory Peck.

"And number 1, by miles, The Auction-Winner's Novel, by Jane Doe. It's got everything: love, sex, redemption, humor, pathos, muttonchops and my four favorite scenes in literary history."

"Never heard of it," the reporter said.

Evil Editor stared at him. Finally he said, "Get out. GET OUT!! I agreed to this interview only because of your reputation as the major literary critic of our time. And now this? What hole did you just crawl out of? Never heard of The Auction-Winner's Novel? Good Lord, where are my smelling salts? Are you still here? GET OUT!!"

--Evil Editor