Dear Evil Editor:
Am I mistaken in sending this query regarding my 123,000 word Thriller-Romance Gasping Sunken Dreams™ to you? If I should be sending it to a real person instead of you, would you kindly forward this letter to a real agent in New York city for me?
Can the fate of all mankind really rest in the hands of a golf-loving-gas-station owner named Roger Swenson? So what if he did donate to some ultimately suspicious charities overseas, didn’t most people think Roger was a nice guy? Who wouldv’e guessed that he’d be scooped up like a double-dip at the Baskin-Robins and dragged, along with his parrot “Peabody,” to a windowless safe house in the red-light district on the edge of a bedroom community quaint enough to make Maybury RFD look like a DOA? Would real police act this way, with their sadistic, torture-inducing methods of interrogation? But the real question is: why does Roger continue to pass himself off as mute when he had expensive surgery done to implant a voice box? What one word do both Roger (and Peabody) know that “they” want to know but that Roger refuses to speak aloud? And who are they? Why do they insist Roger is somebody he isn’t? Will Roger be forced to flip them the bird? When Roger discovers the true identity of his technologically-advanced captors, will his inner-secret-pirate-savy Captain Hook identity pack enough braggadocio to save not only himself, but everybody within a 50-mile radius?
Will I be considered too forward by including the first chapter of my novel, Gasping Sunken Dreams ™? A girl can hope, can’t she? And wouldn’t I be remiss if I didn’t thank you in advance for any views or suggestions you may care to forward to me? Please don’t feel that you have to respond positively; any reply (at all) would be appreciated, don’t ‘cha know?