The Somali pirates held the American hostage at gunpoint. Their boat floated about a thousand yards off the stern of the US Naval Destroyer, tethered to the tanker they seized.
“We demand five million dollars in exchange for the safe return of your citizens,” the radio crackled. Captain Benson looked at the sky, watching as the helicopter made its way to the landing pad on the Destroyer’s aft deck.
A voice again cut through the static of the radio. “Who is on that helicopter? No funny business, or we will kill them all!”
“It’s…uh…it’s our banker,” Captain Benson replied.
The helicopter door opened and Evil Editor glided down the ladder like butter sliding down the side of a warm biscuit. EE approached Captain Benson.
“Where are they?” EE asked, squinting at the water.
“No, this direction, about a thousand yards out,” Captain Benson put his hands on Evil Editor’s shoulders and turned him around.
“I don’t see them. I can’t find my glasses. Oh, well, here goes,” Evil Editor said.
The lasers shot from Evil Editor’s eyes, missing the pirates’ boat by a wide margin. Somewhere, deep beneath the surface of the ocean, a dolphin exploded.
“To the left a little,” Captain Benson guided EE.
“What the hell was that?” The voice on the radio demanded.
“Hurry, we have no time to lose!” Captain Benson said.
The lasers shot forth, and EE shook his head from side to side, squinting his eyes and trying very hard to actually hit his target. The ocean began to boil, and the ship listed as bubbles rose from beneath them.
“Stop, or you’ll kill us all!” Captain Benson yelled.
“I just need my glasses. I can’t remember where I left them. Laser vision isn’t so keen when I can’t see. Maybe they’re in the chopper,” EE pondered, scratching his head. “Oh! Here they are.”
EE lowered the specs and finally the world came into focus. After a final well-placed laser burst, the pirates were no more.