“Jerry Aldinni with News 10, live downtown where an attempted bank heist has resulted in four armed men holed up in the Midtown Bank. Police have the building surrounded, and are negotiating for the release of bank employees who are being held hostage. Sources tell me the gunmen are threatening to shoot the hostages unless authorities comply with a list of their demands. It’s a complete circle jerk here. Tension is high and it looks like the police are in a jamb…a pickle…a real Mexican standoff...”
Suddenly a ripple of excitement ran through the crowd. The mass of people parted like the Red Sea, and a great roar erupted as Evil Editor stepped forward. Sporting a black superhero costume, with the famous ‘double E’ emblazoned in red on his chest, he looked magnificent. His laser-emitting eyes smoldered.
The police chief quickly brought him up to date and showed him the gunmen’s list of demands. Evil studied it, his face turning red with anger.
“Jerry Aldinni here, live, as Evil Editor approaches the bank…and boy does he look mad. Whoa! Shots are being fired…Evil’s using his laser vision...I see some puffs of smoke…hoochie momma…Evil has lasered the gunmen and it’s over! Here he comes now for an interview.
“Jerry Aldinni here, with our own superhero, Evil Editor. Brilliant Evil, just brilliant! So tell us, Evil, you looked pretty angry out there. Were you mad about the robbery, their demands, or the fact that the gunmen were holding innocent people hostage?”
“Fuckin A, it wasn’t any of that! It just pissed me off that the list of their demands had five spelling errors. How can you possibly think helicopter has two els?”
“Okaaay then…thanks Evil…Live, I’m Jerry Aldinni…”
As he headed back towards his adoring minions, Evil passed a man carrying a sign that read, ‘The Worlds About To End’. His laser eyes flashed, vaporizing the man.
Evil shook his head. “Apostrophe ess, you moron.”
He snatched the man’s wallet from the smoking pile of clothes and tossed it to a young boy.
“Here you go kid.”
“Gee, thanks Evil!”